The readers of this article can probably be divided into two main groups.
Those who resonate with the title of this article and want to know how to hide and overcome such a shameful and primitive (uncivilised) emotion as anger.
And those who are angry at me for even suggesting that it should be repressed.
Bear with me for another moment, because just as the emotion of anger isn't what it seems, neither is this article.
A few days ago my own rage burst forth at the total lack of professionalism and common courtesy of a professional organisation I joined. They had cashed my payment immediately, but kept me waiting for the activated membership service for 10 weeks! Despite numerous calls and an email, the only indication that they had received and accepted my application was the fact that my bank balance was reduced.
When my patience wore thin, I left a ‘slightly' less sugary monologue on their ever present answer phone. A few days later, I checked their website and was almost more furious to find that they had posted my details without even letting me know. I felt they owed me a bit of a human touch, maybe an apology. After all, they were supposed to be the ones controlling the professional standards of therapists who deal with the emotional and physical well-being of others.
How could they be so rude! Instead of being happy that the deed was finally done, there was a nasty, angry little voice inside me - raving and ranting and jumping up and down like good old Rumpelstilzken in the fairy tale.
For a few minutes I swam the angry tide, furiously paddling and thrashing inside, my inner dialogue dizzily drawing smaller and smaller circles. Then, I thought I'd better walk the talk, do as I preach in my seminars and figure out how this experience can help me make some personality progress.
Here's the method I use:
First, I take a little inventory of what's happening inside and notice whether my reaction is in proportion to the event. Are my emotions driving me forward to learn and make positive changes or are they dragging me into some dark dungeon where I wallow in my own self-pity until someone or something rescues me?
Most of the time, when thoughts go round and round in circles, it is perfectly clear that they are not of the empowering, energising kind - so, the next step is to ask myself exactly which buttons this event has pushed.
What did it remind me of? What previous experience (sometimes from way back when...) is it like? And exactly what does it feel like inside? I take my thoughts away from the event itself and focus on the physical sensations it's causing inside me. Then, I make the conscious decision to transform and let go of this particular kind of energy.
Sometimes, it's as easy as concentrating on the fiery sensation the anger has caused and allowing it to cool and disperse. At other times, I need to play a few tricks on my mind to distract myself from my thoughts.
What's important is that I remind myself that the choice of wallowing or soaring is always mine. I can learn and move on or I can follow the downward spiral until I've hit the bottom and finally got the message.
Next time someone or something really pushes your anger button, what will you choose? A new vision that lets you see the bigger picture of your own internal life, or just a blinding rage? If you go inside, you can emerge calmer, more positive, and lighter. Anger is a heavy load to carry. Isn't it great to know that the choice to let go of it is yours?
