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The biggest obstacle to successfully treating both substance abuse and anger is the same. It's denial. Self-awareness is the polar opposite of denial. It is about understanding your self, your strengths, your flaws, your tendencies to be weak in certain situations, and your ability to be courageous and strong in others. It is also understanding the terrifying concept that you have an enormous impact on those around you. I call this "impact-awareness". The fact is that what you dodoesaffect those around you. That is a scary thought! We would much rather believe that a negative behavior was not negative, but was simply neutral, and did not impact the lives of others. We trick ourselves into believing that while certain behaviors are indeed bad, they "are not as bad as what other people do". So, gaining self-awareness and overcoming denial is the first and most important step in the treatment of anger. The good news is that we have the capacity and ability to change our behavior. Often what we need is a "key defining moment", a lasting "moment of clarity" that puts us on notice and inspires us to be different. We can gain moments of clarity from either theSchool of Hard Knocksor the preferredSchoolof Wisdom. In the School of Hard Knocks we learn by losing, and sometimes we lose things we can never get back. We hit our head on the concrete pavement and it hurts. In the School of Wisdom we learn by listening to others, taking daily looks in the mirror, making incremental adjustments, and working with a plan or system that gives us the ability to be a better spouse, parent, or friend. Learning to manage anger can help you avoid the School of Hard Knocks and losing something forever and instead help you learn from the School of Wisdom and aid your growth in relationships that matter.
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