We often find these principles easy, when the task is within our comfort zone and we are in familiar areas. But what about the times when we are in strange waters and inintimidating circumstances? This is when we break down through our insecurities we get defensive and out of nowhere we produce a negative force which can overwhelm those around us and we can get caught up in a defensive mode and lose focus on what we really are trying to attain. Most of the time we leave with our needs not being met to the fullest. The worst thing about this is that we end up settling for whatever is handed out. Of course you may get what you want some of the time, and the rest of the time we just settle for minimal or even less. The problem with this technique is that you may need to come back for another problem. The question is how will this provider respond this time? Will the person be pleased to help you the second time. Or will the person be hesitant and reluctant to serve you? Maybe you left them with a bitter taste.

I want to talk about communication that’s just not to get you what you want, but makes the provider happy to give you what you need and more, and in turn they feel good about serving you. I’m talking about getting more without even asking.

There’s a way to communicate effectively to get what you need. We all have what it takes already; in most cases it goes unrecognized. We just chalk it up to, “at least I tried” whether the encounter was successful or not. What I’m writing about is having favor on your side as a way of life. Don’t you want to have the odds on your side to achieve everything you want in life?

You have to be willing to trade the positive part of you to get what you want. In other words be willing to give the provider something they need. Something that makes them feel pleasant and fulfilled.

You can do this without them even being aware; to me this is perhaps the most efficient way. Let me give you an example out of my life’s experience .

In the 1980s I worked for a major public transportation (bus) company in California. I started at the entry level as a service employee. Basically my duty was to work graveyard shift and holidays, cleaning out fifty buses. You can’t imagine some of the things people discard and leave on buses. It would literally turn your stomach.

I was young and arrogant in those days I had little respect for any authority. As a young man I knew that the life principles I chose to live by would cause me a harder road to travel in the work place. This was a price I was willing to pay. So I became known in the work place as a rebel and I worked hard to live up to the label. Oh, I did my job and did it well, but I would not be flexible or willing to give my employer any pleasure or satisfaction with my presence.

I was not willing to change my character to fit my future positions with the company. I did advance in the company, but at a slower rate than my ability. I chalk this up the lack or unwillingness to give my employer pleasure from my character or personality

. Now I look back in hindsight and see. With all the training this company provided (which I did take advantage of), I could have moved into management positions with ease and possible into upper management.

I was such a rebel as I moved up the ranks from a service cleaner to the classification of Double ‘A’ mechanic/technician. This is the highest level of pay you can reach as a union member. I irritated my superiors to the point that they would send me at every opportunity to outside training just to get rid of me for the six to eight weeks the course took.

My superiors felt I had an undesirable influence on the rest of my peers. Now that I look back, I have to agree with them.

I guess I probably spent 6 months out of most years in special training. I believe my superiors wanted to use the training as a type of punishment. In those days most mechanics did not like the idea of studying or going back to school in a sense. But what actually happened is that I became well educated in all areas of diesel mechanics, electrical, transmissions, engines, and hydraulics. My specialty was in the repair of the newly acquired wheelchair lifts, and there were only six others certified to repair, out of about 200 mechanics. I was more knowledgeable than my superiors.

This in a sense gave me a lot of “say so,” in the jobs that I assigned to myself, and I was able to choose my working hours. They even gave me my own shop with my own telephone.

These things were unheard of in those days. I worked for this company for close to 13yrs. You might say that I had some successes and a lot of achievements. I remember when it infuriated my boss when I won the Mechanic of the Quarter Award. This was only because the operators (bus drivers) turned in a signed petition with over 70 names, recognizing me as one of the best mechanics that ever worked in the San Francisco bus terminal.

Although it was not until years later that I realized that this award was not because I was the best mechanic ever or because I worked harder than anyone else, it was the very opposite. What I gave the operators was a sence of importance, pleasure, and fulfillment. This was totally contrary to what I gave to my bosses.

I gave the operators a positive part of myself, my character and personality—this is what this book is about. In return, the drivers gave me more than I expected without having to ask for anything.

Right now I bet you can look back on scenarios in your life, where you may have had similar experiences in your life. You may also relate to trading negativity from your personality and in return getting more negative responses, like I did with my bosses at the bus company.

First you must try to understand yourself, who you are on the inside. What are your good points and bad points? Areas that are strong, areas that are weak. None of us is perfect. You have to keep in mind that always improving one’s self is a necessity. The desire not to improve will always be a very large barrier to hide behind, and a place for you to stumble throughout your life. Trying to force who you are on people will only bring them irritation. The irritation that you trade off will only put odds against you receiving positive flow in return. In fact, sending out negativity will only repel positive energy away from you.