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Paralanguage refers to those elements that convey the words you have chosen for your message. Loudness versus softness, a rapid rate versus a slow one, a highly inflected tonal quality versus a monotone—all of these elements make a difference in how your message is received and perceived. Assess yourself on your use of paralanguage elements. Then, ask a few people whose opinion you respect to answer these same questions in reference to you. Compare your answers to theirs. 1. Do I use pauses effectively? 2. Do people ever tell me I talk too fast? 3. Do others regularly ask me to talk more loudly? (Or, less loudly?) 4. Does my voice convey confidence (as opposed to nervousness) when I have to make an important presentation? 5. Is my voice interesting to listen to? 6. Do I ever alter my natural pitch to make a point more emphatic? 7. Do I enunciate clearly? 8. Have I ever tape-recorded my voice for several minutes to learn how I really sound to others? 9. Can I project my voice to the farthest corner of a room without screaming?10. Does my body language parallel the points I'm making? Ideally you had all "yes" answers, except for Questions #2 and #3. If you had a less-than-ideal set of replies, discuss improvement-possibilities with those who use paralanguagewell. Then make an action plan and record your progress. Exercise: Body language reflects a whole continuum of responses to what is being said. Beginning with eye contact, think of other ways we physically communicate. Exercise: Paralanguage involves the use of vocal characteristics that can add to or subtract from the message being conveyed. To illustrate, write down six possible meanings for this sentence, after emphasizing each of the six words in six separate declarations. "I never said he loved me." "Kings stand more in need of the company of the intelligent than the intelligent do of the society of kings." --Saadi, Gulistan poet, 1184-1291 While it wouldn't be wise to assume that all kings (and others of their ilk) need intelligent responses, it's a safe bet to assume that many people in positions of power appreciate having intelligent feedback. Assuming the "royalty" with whom you interact seeks intelligent communications, engage in exercises like these to continuously improve your skills.
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