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As parents, we are bound to take care of our children forever, even if we split or change partners. Children should not be made to suffer and they should not be deprived of their basic needs just because the parents have decided they no longer want to live together anymore. One may decide to stop being a husband or wife, but one cannot legally step out of the role of a father or mother. Therefore, it is only normal that child custody becomes a point of combat among couples ready to divorce.
What it Involves
What do these battles involve? The ingredients are simple enough – a pair of human beings who had voluntarily assumed the roles of spouses – and then the role of parents. The root cause is that they no more want to be spouses, but they want to/ have to be parents still. It is a hard world, and a child is not always wanted. In fact, warring partners may feel that a child is a burden and may say so as well. If there is a third party involved, i.e. the future partner of any of the parents, matters can get even more complicated. Finally, if there are other children outside the present marriage, then the considerations would be affected by that fact as well.
Some Common Issues
What do couples fight about? Let us look at some of the common issues that come up during child custody battles.
- The most important factor is maintenance. The existing laws of the UK allow both single and joint custody. In case of joint custody, the child lives with both parents, in turn, so the cost of child rearing is shared. In case of single custody, which is much more common, the child stays with one parent, and the other is supposed to pay a certain amount for the maintenance. This amount is usually the greatest point of dispute.
- The next factor is directly related to the above. Maintenance can be paid as a lump sum at one go, or it may be paid in regular intervals. It can also include specifications such as the non-custodial parent shall pay all tuition fees or medical expenses, or other such clauses. So the terms of the maintenance are the net greatest point of debate.
- The question of custody itself is hotly debated by some parents. The case of singer Britney Spears is a case in point. Due to her bouts of binge drinking, erratic behaviour, addiction, and tendency to lead an unruly life, her husband has won child custody and is trying to bar her from meeting the child often. Britney does not seem to like this but her behaviour really does not make a strong testimony for her.
- ‘Visitation rights’ is the next bone of contention, and is linked with custody right. How does one decide where a parent’s rights begin or end, how much time is ‘enough’ for a parent to spend with the children, and how often is it ‘healthy’ for a parent and a child to meet? These are difficult questions, and do not always have straight answers.
- Finally, a lot of debate happens over who should have the right to take decisions on important matters such as education, holidays, activities, career support, healthcare etc.
How This Affects Children Custody battles almost always affect children badly. They feel guilty for having caused the furore, and feel unwanted. Many children develop personality disorders and emotional problems. They may also retaliate by giving up on food, not studying and socialising and becoming depressed. Is it Avoidable? Custody battles are avoidable only if the parents choose to be sensible – a piece of advice that often falls on deaf ears when a couple is separating. How can it be Avoided? Some of the ways in which a child custody battle can be avoided are as follows: - The parents may take the help of a third party who is known to both but is neutral, e.g. a common friend or a family member or a colleague.
- Sometimes, it may help if this third party is an unknown person, e.g. a government mediator or a private counsellor or divorce advisor.
- The parents can go to a lawyer if none of this helps.
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