It is not uncommon for people to rekindle their sex lives in the golden years. When we meet Grandpa’s new “lady-friend” we don’t give it a second thought. What if Grandpa’s lady-friend gave him the herpes? Then, what if he in-turn gives it to his next lady-friend? What if it was HIV that he was passing on? .
The fact is that seniors are being sexually active more than most people suspect and for the most part they are not using adequate protection. In a study conducted by the American Association of Retired People it was reveled that about sixty-three percent of men and forty percent of women over the age of sixty consider themselves to be sexually active. A recent study conducted by the CDC reports that 13.4% of all new AIDS cases are people who are classified as seniors. The greatest generation was given very little instruction on safe sex and generally believes that because they are unable to have children they have nothing to worry about.
Seniors are not receiving adequate education on disease prevention for a variety of reasons. For one they do not feel comfortable discussing their sex lives with doctors, the majority of which are much younger than they are. On top of that many seniors and medical providers misdiagnose sexually transmitted diseases and viruses in seniors as regular parts of aging. The general populations has chosen to ignore the sexuality of seniors because sex does not fit into the perceived notion of an “older person” and so most communities offer little or no educational resources on safe sex for seniors. With a lack of resources for safe sex for seniors the burden of education rests on the heads of their loved ones.
Here are eight tips that may help you get the conversation going:
1) Preparation is key. Set the date, time and place that you plan on talking to your loved one about the dangers of unprotected sex. Think out (or maybe even role play out) the conversation before you have it. Is your loved one going to want to ask a lot of questions you should prepare for? What do you think they know? How sexually active do you think they are? How are they going to respond to having this conversation? Most of all remember that by having this conversation with them you may prevent years pain and suffering.
2) This is a private conversation. The greatest generation is a proud and bashful population, to have three or four people sit them down about sex is embarrassing and may make the conversation feel like an attack against their life style. It is a best practice to address this in a one on one conversation. Select a person that has a good adult based relationship with the senior, someone who can talk to them as a peer.
3) Keep the conversation focused. Try to insure that the conversation stays on safe sex. It isn’t unusual for people to try and change the subject when you are discussing something that makes them uneasy. If they seem like they are completely unwilling to finish the conversation end it and remind them that you just wanted to make sure they stay safe and healthy.
4) Don’t lecture your elders. Make sure that you are having a conversation with whoever you are talking. Seniors may be unresponsive to lectures from the people they gave those lectures to thirty some odd years ago.
5) Let them know that unsafe sex is dangerous. It is ok to share that you fear that your loved one may catch an STD or STI. Possible contraction of an illness is something that a lot of seniors have never even considered.
6) Prepare to share. This is a very personal conversation that may open the door to some very racy and personal questions. If you are unable to answer a particular question help them find the answer. If a question is too personal let them know that you think it is to personal, remember the conversation should be comfortable for both of you. Remember this is a conversation not a lecture; you are a peer who is concerned for your loved ones health and safety. Let them know what your life experience has shown you.
7) Come equipped. Bring them protection and make sure they know how to use it before the conversation is over. It may be difficult or embarrassing for a senior to purchase condoms on their own, give them the first batch and let them know you can get them more if they need it. Make sure they know that they are for one-time-use as this was not the case in early condom use.
8) Leave the door open for future discussion. It is important to remember that your loved one may not feel safe discussing these topics regularly and may need advise in the future. By opening the door for future questions you strengthen your relationship and giving them a safe environment to have their worries addressed.
Unprotected sex is a real danger for seniors and something that can cause a number of preventable health conditions. By discussing safe sex in you are giving your loved one the tools continue to live his or her life to the fullest, even if it means gross old-person-sex talk.
