The demise of a child during or a period after its birth is so unbearable to the parents and especially to the mother who is said to know the pain of delivering one.
There are so many untold stories out there about couples that confronted this loss the wrong way by not seeking the support of a counselor and the end result was terrible depression.
So often, spouses blame each other claiming that they should have prevented the baby from dying if only they did this or that, others want to try for one more right away while yet others become self-centered.
Just in efforts to grieve differently and forget their lovely baby, spouses may cut any communication channels to each other and start living like pure strangers in the same house.
With the continuous blame and each of them mourning separately, the marriage may not survive this difficult period, except if professional help is sought.
Such parents endure ample range of emotions that are so intense and fearful- except that counseling experts think they are just natural and expected.
What the counseling help does is not to guarantee that the pain of loosing ones child will go away or that parents can hop back to the cheerful personality they had before the loss, it facilitates the process of reducing the intensity of these emotions.
Most of us have been around such couples and especially mums mourning the loss of their babies and observe how much some try to remain composed on the outside.
Whether or not the pain and loss they feel inside will result to depression, the profound sorrow, poor concentration and longing is obvious.
Those mums, who are left by their husbands for another woman or blamed for the death of the child, may also bear suicidal thoughts on their minds and may even have the courage to do it.
The queries of why it happened and what if they took a different measure their babies would still be around bombard their brains.
This may then give rise to intense resentment, guilt, mania, self-denial, anxiety, poor performance of tasks, loneliness, insensitivity with others, fear, weight loss or gain and many others as some of the most common feelings of loosing a child.
Nothing good comes out of depression and soon or later, the spouse who is completely exhausted by the experience may invite other health related problems.
A counseling psychologist helps those who feel they are fully trapped in their anguish because they deal with such and even serious cases all the times and know the best approaches.
I also think that just like in any other form of depression, getting occupied doing other positive and constructive activities as a couple would help reduce the severity of the pain suffered.
I know that this experience is one of those that lack words to explain the depth of cuts left in the victim’s hearts or is totally incomprehensible, but there is help, first from God our maker, and secondly from other caring people.
Mourning for the loss of a child is a very prolonged, difficult and exhaustive journey, and even though the wounds can never be fully erased in the couple’s lives, seeking help at the right time and place is the very important.
