1. Be loving enough to INSPIRE your spouse to be loving.
2. What seems natural to you as a lover probably doesn't work the best for your spouse. In fact, it may well be the case that your spouse wants nearly the opposite of what you're doing…or at the very least, something different.
3. Be bold enough to ask questions about what pleases your spouse…and really listen this time…instead of just hearing what you want to hear…and then be bold enough to give your spouse what they find pleasing.
4. Be bold enough to inform your spouse of what pleases you.
5. Your spouse has certain things they are focused on, responsible for, and interested in besides you. This doesn't mean you are unimportant to them…it means they need you to help them set those things aside for a moment and "settle down", relax, and reconnect with you.
6. Set aside neediness, insecurity, jealousy, and other such negative mentalities…they are repulsive…they are the antithesis of happiness.
7. You NEVER lose anything or have less when you GIVE something out of love and care. It will, in time, ALWAYS return to you multiplied and increased from some source…known or unknown…expected or unexpected.
8. Yes, your spouse probably wants what you think they want…and when you just give them what they want…with gratitude that you can even give it to them…it will really fan the flames of their love for you.
9. There are also some things your spouse wants that you are NOT thinking about. And when you start thinking about those things…and GIVE them…it really fans the flames of their love for you.
10. Be HAPPY to GIVE your spouse what THEY want…instead of what you want. Your spouse wants you to care enough about them to GIVE them what they want…not what you think they want…or even worse, what you "want" them to want.
This is a critically important point that escapes most people…in many cases, a person "says" they are doing something for their spouse when in reality, they are doing it for themselves.
So, just becoming aware of WHO you are doing something for…yourself or your spouse…and communicating accordingly…can clear up a lot of issues and problems.
Here's a for instance, when you are supposed to be touching your spouse in a way that escalates THEIR pleasure…when the context is about ramping up your spouse's pleasure…but you are actually touching them in a way that escalates YOUR pleasure…it IS frustrating and irritating to your spouse…and will cause them to resist and reject your touch.
The maxim therefore is this: Give when you are supposed to be giving and receive when it's clear that you are in receive mode.
11. The good that you see in your spouse is a reflection of YOUR good.
12. The bad that you see in your spouse is a reflection of YOUR bad. Any married person can see the selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful, non-loving aspects of their spouse…and if they'll open up and get honest and real, they'll see those same unwanted, unpleasant aspects in themselves.
Moreover, if they'll eliminate those unwanted, unpleasant aspects in themselves, it will have the miraculous effect of eliminating them in their spouse too.
13. No matter how many times you've said it, your spouse STILL likes to hear that you love them and care about them. No matter how many nice things you've done in the past, your spouse STILL likes for you to do nice things for them. Bottom line, your spouse STILL likes to know that you REALLY care about them MORE than anything else.
Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of DoThisGetSex.com a site for men
