Do You Have Trouble Showing Affection?

Affection is one of the most basic forms of communication in both the human and animal kingdom. We have all watched movies of gorillas and other primates gently patting their offspring on the head or otherwise caressing them. A human mother shows her affection for her child by constantly making eye contact, smiling and touching them.

The baby responds by smiling at the mother and being nutured to grow into childhood with a serene and stable attitude towards life. Indeed the textbooks of psychology are full of stories of young children who have been denied this contact from their mother. These unfortunate children have lost a basic and essential part of their growing up and never regain it.

Some nations and races seem to have an inbuilt sense of affection and enjoy the physical and emotional things that affection brings to their lives. They often touch each other, frequently smile and have no hesitation in putting their arm around another's shoulder or giving them a kiss of affection.

Other more formal and stoic peoples feel quite uneasy when they see these demonstrations of affection. To them the sight of a man kissing another man on both cheeks as it is done in France and Italy, can be disturbing and strange and for them a man who gives an affectionate kiss to a woman is being both disrespectful and improper. Indeed there are some countries where the public demonstration of affection is forbidden by law and carries severe penalties such as prison.

We need to be able to show affection to those to whom we would like to show affection. By this I mean being able to kiss our children and hug them and to be able to give our wives or partners a kiss and a hug without having to think about it first. A father kisses his baby son and hugs him when he is a young child. Why does he so often give this practice up as the boy grows older. Telling the boy that big men do not do those things and that they are for sissies only will cause the boy's spirit to be restricted.

What a shame! How beautiful it is to see a father hug and kiss his adult son, in a public place, and what a wonderful message this gives to all that see him do so. In marriage, affection between husband and wife often goes away as children come along and life becomes tumultuous and troublesome. Is it any wonder Barbara Streisand sang a song "He doesn't bring me flowers any more"?

Affection is the glue that will hold together both the marriage and the family through times of trouble, whether they be financial or otherwise. It is saying that they care for each other and will always do so.

In families where the children have always seen their parents being affectionate to each other, where their father has brought home flowers for their mother and where their mother has always been considerate of their father, those children will in turn have better and more stable
relationships. In short, they have been brought up to believe that this is how things should be.

In today's world of litigation and political correctness, we can no longer pat someone on the shoulder whom we do not know well for fear that our motives will be misunderstood. However, we must not allow ourselves to deny basic affection to those who are close to us and we should not withdraw into ourselves and thus deny others contact with us.

Affection if given freely will grow like wildflowers and make all of us feel the joy of participating in the great adventure that we call life.