Edge of the Rain

I spent many a Christmas holiday on my grandfatherʼs farm in Loeriesfontein, 100 kilometres from Calvinia, in the Northern Cape, South Africa. The farm was typical of most farms in the hot and dusty rain-deprived Karoo. It was unrelenting, unyielding and fit only for sheep, ostriches and the toughest human. Not much grew on it except quinces, the hardiest of weeds and the toughest of shrubs.

When I looked at my grandfather, the craggy lines spidering across his face told the story of hardship and suffering. And, sometimes in an unguarded moment, heʼd drop his pose and let me look into his piercing blue eyes and into his soul. Even at a young age I could fathom the undercurrents that that ripped through his soul - regret, hopes dashed, dreams downscaled and sorrow for potential unfulfilled.

I remember sitting on the verandah with my grandfather at the end of dayʼs play. Watching the sun set over the majesty that is the Karoo. Him with a brandy and Coke and a cigarette dangling from his lips and me, sipping homemade ginger beer. This was a time for reflection for him. Sometimes when we sat together, weʼd see a wall of rolling dark clouds flooding out sheets of rain, 50 kilometres away as the crow flies. It seemed to fence us in, the lightning strikes keeping us corralled in our little space in the world.

Every so often a couple of errant raindrops carried by a gulf stream wind would splutter onto the verandah. This would give my grandfather cause to look up to the heavens with hope in his heart that the rain would finally bless his farm and his family. Almost every time his hopes were dashed as the rain disappeared like a mirage in a desert. Heʼd look into his glass, sigh and take another sip of brandy. The drink and smoke at the end of a dayʼs work seemed like his only pleasure in life. That, and playing rummy with me after church on a Sunday.

My grandfatherʼs farm was a typical Karoo farm, on the edge of the rain. His farm had massive potential to grow any number of crops. But the rain fell just out of reach from where he farmed. He knew that if the rain would just fall on his farm, it would be an outstanding success. But, it seemed that he was always destined to be at the edge of the rain, never able to claim the riches and success that were rightfully his.

Iʼm not saying that there was never any success. There were islands of happiness that popped up in a sea of struggle. Then everyone was excited. Grandmother could buy a new dress from the shop and not have to make her own. I could go to the local shop and buy real sweets. A delightful change from the dried fruit that was my sweet staple. These islands of success and happiness were rare and fleeting. But those rare and fleeting moments were vital to grandfatherʼs survival. They gave him hope and kept him in the game. And because of those moments he never gave up on his family and on his goals, as downscaled as they were. He died at the plough, bent but never broken.

It has occurred to me that many of our lives are like that Karoo farm. Weʼre on the edge of the rain. We can see and taste the rewards that life offers us. We just canʼt seem to get them, can we? We know that we have all the potential in the world. We know that if we step out of the desert into the rain, weʼll get the sustenance we need to succeed. Most of us never get into the rain, do we? Itʼs almost as if weʼre boxing in a weight class above our own. We go through the motions, slogging and slaving, hoping for that break that will change our lives forever. Our squandered potential fuels our disappointment even further leading us to live lives of quiet desperation.

Have you ever asked yourself why it is that even though you work yourself to the bone and do things right, you still donʼt get the life you want and deserve? It must have occurred to you that there must be an easier way. Iʼve posed four questions that I hope will raise an internal debate in you and get you to pay attention. You and I know it is when you donʼt pay attention to whatʼs happening in your life that you feel serious pain.

You donʼt know why youʼre here

To get absolute clarity in your life, you need to know what your purpose is on this earth. Youʼve got to start living on purpose. Too many of us have no idea what we are meant to do with our lives and leave ourselves open to the vagaries of fate. You may be one of those souls that finds it exciting to live in a whimsical fashion, with unpredictability as your partner every day. Itʼs just not a great strategy to help you find direction in your life. Because once you know who you are, what you stand for and what youʼll accept and not accept, life becomes a lot simpler. Your purpose can become your North Star, always guiding you in the right direction.

How do I find my purpose, you may ask? Thatʼs not an easy one, is it? Youʼve got to spend time with yourself and take a deep, introspective look at who you are and how you want to contribute. Hereʼs the nub of any purpose statement - your purpose is not to be happy. Your purpose is to make a difference in the lives of those around you. Because, it is only when you are making a real difference do you become truly happy.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to discover your purpose first before embarking on any kind of goal-setting exercise. Once you have your purpose all your goals will fall into alignment.
My purpose is: To help people live lives of adventure, destiny and purpose through my God-given talents of thinking, writing and speaking. I fulfill my destiny by inspiring people through my blogs, my writing, my keynote addresses, my seminars and my books. Every goal I set is aimed at achieving my purpose. When I make a difference in the lives of my family, friends and clients, Iʼm happy, fulfilled and contented.

Finding your purpose gives you the "why?". One of the biggest motivators in your life is to have a "reason why?". Why am I doing this? Why is this important to my family? Why is this important to my clients? Why is this important to my country? Viktor E. Frankl in his book, Manʼs Search For Meaning made a strong case for having a "reason why?". Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist was incarcerated in the Nazi concentration camps. He decided to study why some of the inmates seemed to succumb quickly and why others survived in one of the harshest and most inhumane environments ever devised by man. The short answer is that those that survived the Nazi concentration camps had a "reason why?". They had an overriding goal that kept them going. It may have been to see their children again, to stay alive to bring their Nazi jailers to justice or any of a dozen reasons.

You donʼt know what you want

Once we have a "reason why?" ... we need to find ways of achieving it. The reality is that most of us donʼt really know what we want. We think we do, sort of. It is normally some kind of fuzzy Utopian ideal, isnʼt it? I want more money. I want to be happy. I want a nice house. I want a beautiful car. I want to live at the coast or in the mountains or maybe Monaco. I want a great relationship with someone whoʼll love me. I just want to be happy. And so on. It is exactly this kind of fuzzy, non-specific thinking that will get you less than desirable results. Until you get clear on what it is you really want, youʼll always be at the edge of the rain. You have to get real and specific about what it is you want. Once you crack that code the rain edges nearer to you.

How do you get clear on what it is you really want? Pick a day and closet yourself away from any interruptions - mobile phone, family, friends and work. Pretend that you have unlimited time and money. What would you do? What would you buy? Who would you meet? What car do you want? Write down a dream list. Donʼt be judgmental and say, "I couldnʼt get that". Just write it down.

Once youʼve got your list, categorise it into short and long-term goals. I want to retire with R5-million cash in the bank is a long-term goal. I want to lose exactly 10 kilograms is a short term goal. Then, set SMART goals to achieve them (Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant (to your purpose) and time-based).

You donʼt believe that you deserve success

I believe that the biggest obstacle keeping us at the edge of the rain is that we donʼt believe that we are worthy of success and happiness. At the heart of this lies our self- image and self-esteem. Youʼve probably heard it more than a dozen times in your life, "Success is an inside job." Well, itʼs true, isnʼt it?

Iʼll put it to you that whatever the circumstances in your life right now, youʼve created it. In fact, youʼre exactly where youʼre supposed to be right now. Your self-esteem and self- image are thermostats that regulate the temperature of your life. When you go above your perceived potential and worth, your thermostat will drop the temperature to what it has been set at. Letʼs say that 100 degrees is super hot (equate that with wealth, happiness, success, health and the like) and 0 degrees is really cold (equate that with failure and misery). Letʼs say that you peg yourself at 50 degrees. If you do this youʼll always get 50 degrees results. If you go over the 50 degree mark, to letʼs say, 60 degrees, your thermostat will kick in and drop you back down to 50 degrees ... your expectation zone and comfort zone. And when you get back into the zone, youʼre happy arenʼt you? The results arenʼt exactly what you want, but theyʼre results that fit into your view of the world and the value you place on yourself.

Let me give you an example. Imagine that you earn R5 000 a month. You decide to try your luck at a casino and win R5 000. Thatʼs amazing and can really help you. Guess what? Your car breaks down and you have to repair it. Guess how much it costs? Thatʼs right R 5 000. Your thermostat kicked in and brought you down to the level of your belief. Until you start getting a serious belief that you are worthy of success, youʼll always start getting the same results. I canʼt say it better than Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

Iʼve always battled at differentiating between self-image and self-esteem until I came across a book by James Arthur Ray called Harmonic Wealth. Ray says that self-image is the way you think about yourself and your world. Self-esteem tells us how we feel about ourselves and our lives.

Other people helped script your self-image. Most of the scripting happened in childhood, didnʼt it? It has been said that from babyhood to around six years old weʼre in a brainwave state called Alpha. In this state we absorb information like a sponge. Who did we hang out with up until six? Our parents. Whether we like it or not, our parents are largely responsible for the way we turned out, arenʼt they? Whatever they told you, you absorbed and believed. If you had empowering parents who were focused on building a positive soul, youʼll probably find your view of the world is one of abundance. Of course, if you had a more stunted beginning, with parents whose pendulum swung more to the negative, your self view and worldview will be more defeatist.

Thus, the way you feel about yourself (self-esteem) is in direct correlation on how you see yourself (self-image).
Remember, even if you were brought up in a negative household with parents who didnʼt have the skills or knowledge at the time to empower you, you still have one thing going for you: Choice!
Og Mandino, in his book, The God Memorandum said: "I gave you one more power so great that not even my angels possess it ... I gave you the power to choose. With this gift I placed you even above my angels ... for angels are not free to choose sin."

In my opinion it is a sin to choose not to live up to your potential. Even if you had shattered childhood, it is past ... choose to be a success rather than a failure. Choose to live a life of abundance rather than a life of lack. Choose not to follow the herd into mediocrity.

Learn from this apocryphal story . Two brothers were interviewed. One was a criminal, rotting in jail and the other was a successful, respected pillar of his community. When asked why he had turned out like he had, the brother in jail said: "With a father like mine, what did you expect?" It appears that the father was a total degenerate who had also spent time in jail and when it came to his children, he wouldnʼt have won a prize in Dadʼs Weekly. When the successful brother was quizzed as to why he had turned out like he did, his answer was: "With a father like mine, what did you expect?" Thatʼs the power of choice.

So, choose to hang out with the high quality people in your life. Choose to read inspirational books that will light up your path as you make your way through life. Choose an attitude of joy, abundance, appreciation and gratitude rather than one of desolation, despair and disaster. Choose not to let the challenges in life wear you down but rather shine you up like a beautiful diamond.

Choose to believe that you are worthy of having your heartʼs desire. Because you are.
If you still find this to be a hard sell, choose to start counting your blessings. Have an attitude of gratitude because whatever your situation is now, you still have a lot to be grateful for, donʼt you? You have more or less 100-million receptors in our eyes and 24 000 fibres in each ear - at the very least, be grateful for your sight and your hearing.
And, choose to grow. You probably already know that your results will always level out to the degree of your growth. If you donʼt grow in intellect, skill, self-confidence and stature, youʼll keep attracting the same results to yourself.

You donʼt want success badly enough

Anybody who has read anything by motivational guru, Anthony Robbins will have heard him say that there are only two things that motivate us in life: Avoidance of pain and achievement of pleasure. Most of us are more motivated by avoidance of pain, arenʼt we? We make sure we earn enough money so that we can pay our bond each month, pay the
kidsʼ school fees and so on. We know that if we lose our job that most of us are one pay cheque away from bankruptcy. This is what I call a fear motivator. We should rather look at pleasure motivation to sustain us. The attitude should be, "If I earn more money, I could have a better lifestyle for me and my family."
Remember, that what you focus on is where your energy will go. Or as psychologist, Carl Jung put it, "What you resist will persist."

If you want to succeed in your life, you have to be prepared to put in the work. If you donʼt take some kind of action towards your goals, no amount of visualisation and positive thinking is going to make it happen.
Once youʼve found your purpose and the goals that align to that purpose, youʼve got to get off your bum. Youʼve got to do the work. Youʼve got to put in the hours because nothing worthwhile ever came easy, did it? Top sports stars have a phenomenal work ethic. Most of them sacrificed a lot to get where they are. Dan Millman, ex-Olympian gymnast said, "Discipline brings excellence and excellence brings freedom."

If youʼre a student, youʼve got to put in the work ... you have to study to do well. If youʼre a sales person, youʼve got to make phone calls every day and see prospects if you want to be a massive success. By working, we create more opportunities for ourselves; we get to pay ourselves more. But, most of us miss out on the opportunity and privilege to work because we donʼt have a compelling enough purpose and irresistible goals. When our purpose and goals are tepid, I guarantee you weʼll be lazy and uninspired. I love what Thomas Edison said about work: "Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

Take the Plunge

Make this the crucible moment that you get out of the edge of the rain. Take time to discover why youʼre here, what it is you really want, believe that you are worthy of success and work hard to get it. If you do that you will have a life of adventure, destiny and purpose. Take the plunge and live the life you were destined to live.

Jacques de Villiers