We've all heard the phrase emotional baggage, but what does it mean and what role does it play in addiction? Emotional baggage is defined as painful memories, mistrust and hurt carried around from past abuse, control, or emotional rejection. And, this underlying emotional trauma is not only the primary component of emotional baggage, but it's also the root cause of addiction. When emotional baggage is present, and it's combined with a low level of coping skills, you have a formula for habitual behavior. Therefore, addiction freedom requires liberation from dysfunction behavior, but it also requires removing emotional baggage. And, that entails forgiveness! But, how can you forgive someone that committed such atrocities against you? Many people have a misconception about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not reconciliation! In fact, there's a drastic difference between the two. Reconciliation is an acceptance of and a submission to a person's behavior while continuing the relationship under those circumstances. Therefore, I am not at all suggesting that you accept your family's behavior and condone its continuance while condemning yourself to a life of unhappiness. I'm suggesting that you remove yourself from their behavior and release the resentment and anger you're harboring towards them. Think about it for a moment! If you can't forgive them, how in lord's name are you going to move on with your life? You can't! The angrier you become over their dysfunctional act, the more you will be tempted to punish them for it! There's and ancient Chinese saying; "Before seeking revenge first dig two graves!" When you harbor anger and resentment towards another are you hurting them or are you hurting yourself? Forgiveness is defined as giving up or ceasing a resentment of an offender. So, I am not at all suggesting that you reconcile with anyone, but I am suggesting that you forgive them! However, you need to understand that you are forgiving them for you and not for them. One may even ask "how could I reconcile with someone that has inflicted such horrific, emotional pain upon me?" The answer is you can't, if you want to be happy. Remember, you should not forgive the act, but you should forgive the person. The more you harbor these feelings the more emotional distress you will experience in your life, which increases the odds you'll reach for drugs, alcohol, or some other compulsion to relieve it!
I want to make sure you have a clear understanding of the meaning and end goal. So, I want you stand in front of a mirror for a moment. Now, looking yourself squarely in the eyes, I want you to slap yourself in the face! Next, look in the mirror and say "It's ok,
I know you're going through a difficult time, and so I forgive you" OK! Now, slap yourself in the face again! Next, say "It's ok, I know your having a hard time, and so
I'll just turn my head, and I'll forgive you." Is your face swelling up yet? Is your nose bleeding? OK! Now, slap yourself in the face again, really hard! Next, look in the mirror and say "My face is swollen, my nose is bleeding, but I know you're having a rough time, so I forgive you."
This is most people's misguided perception of forgiveness, isn't it! And, it's exactly the way you've been reacting to your families dysfunctional behavior, isn't it!
OK! Let's use the same scenario we did above to demonstrate true forgiveness!
Standing in front of the mirror, once again, slap yourself in the face! Next, look directly in the mirror and say "I understand that you're having a rough time and I feel sorry for you. But, I am going to walk down a different path because I don't want to share in your misery. I am not going to be angry or harbor any resentment towards you, but if you every do that again, I'm going to knock the living hell out of you!"
This is true Liberation and forgiveness! Put a stop to abusive and dysfunctional behavior. Walk a different path but forgive by releasing anger and resentment!
In conclusion, harboring resentment causes great harm to you and very little if any to the perpetrators! So, forgive for you, not for them! And, drop that baggage and kick it to the curb. It happened in the past! Leave it where it belongs, in the past!
Best wishes,
David Roppo
The Addiction Freedom Coach
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