Getting Him to Talk

You've tried...Lord knows you've tried to get him to open up. But, it seems the harder you try the further he pulls away from you. What's going on, here? How could this possibly be working for him?

In order for you to move forward here, there are some things that you need to understand about men to know how to approach the issue from a different - and more fruitful - angle:

1. Men are programmed to be in control.

Like you couldn't have figured that one out! Seriously, though, when you say you want to talk or push him to answer questions, however valid they may be, a man's first response is to assume a defensive position. If he "gives in" he is no longer in control and this feels very uncomfortable for a man.

Now, please understand that this is not necessarily entirely dysfunctional. Think of the ways in which he has taken control of issues, problems or tasks in the past and has appeared quite happy with himself in the process. This is what you'll need to tap into.

2. Men see the "we need to talk" time as potentially ego-shattering. Men are repelled by criticism.

This means that in addition to carrying the majority of the emotional burden for your family, you also have to learn how to be a master diplomat.

Here's a trick that, even though it may go against everything you really want to say, might just help:

• Find things to compliment him on




• Remind him how manly he is




• Reinforce how you appreciate him being the man

Now, you may think that you are giving in to him when that's the last thing you want to do. But, what you're really doing is taking control of the situation. You're giving him impetus to step-up in your relationship. When a man feels appreciated and that appreciation is reinforced, when he feels vital and not threatened with criticism he will be much more apt to talk. Work on this and you'll see results!