The women who contact me may be in different places in their marriages – some are facing a divorce, some are separated, some just feel a distance in their marriage, and for some – the ink on the divorce papers is dry, but all of them want the same thing – they want to get their husbands back. They want to know the right thing to say, the right way to act, and the right actions to take.
They regret the things that they said or didn't say – the things left unsaid and the things said too harshly. In summary, they are filled with regret and just want one more chance to make things right. But, they don't know what it is going to take to get that chance. In the following article, I'll go over some considerations that may help you in getting your husband back.
When Is It Too Late To Lay Your Cards On The Table In Order To Get Him Back?:There's a really fine line between putting it all out there and appearing too desperate and needy. How much you reveal is going to depend upon whether your husband has already left or if there are just problems brewing. If he hasn't yet left the home and the communication is still open, there is nothing wrong with making it very clear that you'd like to save the marriage. But, it's also important that you don't lay it on too thickly.
At the end of the day, there are a lot of negative emotions surrounding the marriage and your husband is seeing things through the veil of negativity. So, don't add to this by trying to guilt him or argue with him or by playing the pity or ultimatum card. You want to always conduct yourself in a way that you will be proud of and will ultimately appear attractive to him. And a desperate, angry, bitter, or terrified woman is not usually attractive to a man. Of course you can't convincingly convey that you aren't affected by this. It wouldn't be normal if you weren't, but always be conscious of the image that you are portraying.
Finding A Point Of Concession:Sometimes when I tell women that they need to find something on which they can agree, they tell me that nothing falls into this category. They say that there's no middle ground or that there's too much water under the bridge. In short, they make this way too complicated.
If the situation is set up to where one of you is going to emerge the winner and one of you is going to be the one who loses, then both of you are going to fight to the bitter end, ensuring that you certainly aren't working together toward some common goal.
Here's one of the easiest ways to find that middle ground. When you are both calm and rational, explain to your husband that you've thought about it and you realize that you can't single handedly change things as they stand now. A marriage takes too people and saving it will take two very committed people. You can not control his actions or thoughts and it would be disrespectful for you to try to do so. However, you can control yourself. And, you've decided to make your goal right now to now allow things to deteriorate any further. Explain that your husband is still important to you and you can't look at yourself in the mirror if you allowed this relationship to deteriorate further. So, for your part, you're going to act in such a way that brings you closer together – no matter where this leads.
You may not get the reaction that you were hoping for at first. But, that's likely because, up until now, your husband has been conditioned to think that things will never change – not really. However, you're going to show him, not tell him, that he's wrong about this. Over time, he should come to see things your way, if you play this correctly.
Knowing That It's Really Going To Take To Get Your Husband Back:At the end of the day, getting your husband back comes down to only a few things. First, you have to begin to change the negative perceptions and interactions into positive ones. This comes with just moving slowly and taking it day by day. This usually won't happen over night. But, the good days will build on one another until they begin to become more frequent.
Once some positive interactions have occurred and there is a reoccurring comfort level where you're both looking forward to spending time together, you then slowly focus on reestablishing a closeness and a bond. In truth, divorce is often nothing more than the result of when the intimacy and bond is lost. You must regain it to save your marriage. And, the steps toward this are often introducing the two people who first fell in love.
Your husband has to be exposed to the woman who first excited and delighted him. When I tell women this, they will sometimes get nervous and say something like "sure, I'll just turn back the clock and make it 1978 again." This isn't at all what I mean. What I mean is that you need to bring back the woman with the infectious laugh, the one who couldn't learn enough about him, the one who really wanted to know how his day was and wanted to have a part in making it a good one.
Many women will ask me: "what, you want me to fake it?" No, not at all. I want you to take some time thinking about those things that first drew you to your husband and then use the best version of him to motivate you to bring forth the best version of yourself. Because your best case scenario is for these two to meet up and find that they still love each other very much and don't want to part ways.
When I was trying to save my own marriage, my husband's mind was made up. He was going forward with moving out and then the divorce. I let him walk out the door and it almost cost me my marriage. This was only one of the many mistakes I made. Thankfully, I realized my tactics were not working and changed course. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but save our marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at /
