I was talking with a friend who is in the middle of a divorce, who has a lot of free time in the evenings, and it is driving him nuts! In today’s society many people are buried in ‘busy’ and are looking for a moment just to themselves. This guy doesn’t know what to do with himself. We talked about how other folks would envy his freedom as they have little or no personal free time. Time has become a huge resource for us and is almost more important than money. For many they have more money than free time.
We talked about appreciating that space of ‘no plans’ and using it like gold. What could he do with this freedom that would enrich him and how would he benefit? Not that he has to fill it up withthings to do, but perhaps putting on some favorite music, lighting a candle for atmosphere, and picking up one of the many unread books on his shelf that he had not had the time to read previously. Or just really relax and enjoy the music. Or go sit on a lounge chair and watch the clouds go by. Just be! He does not just want to pass the evenings in front of the T.V. and is most adamant about that. That he is aware of the value of his time is in his favor.
We talked about using the time like coin - invest in yourself. Broaden your horizons. What would a rich lifestyle look like? What about some classes you've always wanted to take? The time after a divorce is often rich and ripe for self-discovery and deep learning about your own inner motivations, and looking at where you are and figuring out where you want to go. He is in a whole new world. So a class that would help him look inward rather than outward could be timely.
How about the hobbies or interests that took the back seat previously? A new design as he recreates his life might include photography, language, dance, yoga, or Spiritual classes in the evening. He has been talking about taking up meditation. So the next step would be to really take action and do it. How about all the online endless possibilities for growth and education? I know there are lots of good free teleclasses on a huge variety of subjects.
Maybe the time is perfect for giving service. So often what we receive back when we volunteer is ten fold what we are giving. Helping someone else is a great way to help our self, plus, it helps us move on and not ruminate about our own problems. We might pick up a lot of new perspectives from getting out and helping someone else who has bigger problems than we do.
It is a perfect moment for him to look at who he wants to be and take the steps to move in that direction. He is not the guy who will stop for a drink on the way home. His life has changed and he has this precious piece of time to hang out with himself, get comfortable with himself, find out who he is today, on the inside, and discover what is most important to him now, and what he really, really,reallywants to do. That he has the time for this reflection and contemplation will prove to be ‘gold time’.
Talking with him I realized that the grass always appears greener on the other side. If we have full schedules, we long for free time. If we can just not rush in to fill it up with too much to do, we might have some time to contemplate our life and a whole new awareness might awaken within us. When we have free time, we have our self to hang out with and what a gift that might be!
