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1. Clarify your goals. If you're really thinking about writing your ex a letter, the first thing you want to pin down is why you're doing it in the first place! It's pretty common practice, especially among the ladies, to write a letter to an ex simply for catharsis sake (you're not going to send the letter...ever). If this is your intent, your writing process is going to be a lot different and probably much easier. However, if you're writing a letter as a means of reconnection/apology/reconciliation, you'll want to make this clear to your reader. In the very first section of your letter, following your greeting, state your purpose. Examples: "I was thinking about you recently and was wondering how you were doing." <-- platonic intent. "I miss the fun we had and was hoping that we might be able to go out again." <--romantic intent 2. Accentuate the positive.Even if you're writing a letter you plan on burning, always ALWAYS highlight the good in your life. This serves a few purposes. First, it boosts your self-esteem and allows you to assess the positive changes that have taken place in your life since you last saw your ex. Furthermore, if you plan on sending your letter, especially as a means for romantic reconciliation, accentuating the positive emphasizes to your ex that you are independent, strong, and successful. Furthermore, an optimistic tone is definitively more attractive to anyone, regardless of the circumstances, than self-pitying. The last thing you'd want in a letter to an ex is an outpouring of complaints followed by a desperate plea for reconciliation. It's certainly possible that you will have trouble locating definitive positive changes in your life since the exiting of Mr. Ex, and if that's the case, never fear. Think of events, hobbies, or milestones that are important to you, even if they're small, and be sure to mention these in your letter. Doing so not only builds a picture of success but also gives a basis for conversation should a reconciliation take place. 3. Humble pie, anyone?If you're seeking closure from an ex, there really is no need to grovel. Sure, it'd probably be nice for Ex to hear that you regret all your past mistakes and that you take full responsibility for your relationship's end. This is not always necessary. However, if you are looking for more out of this interaction, perhaps even that all elusive reconciliation, you may be forced to spit out a little more than some witty small-talk. Reflect on your relationship. Were there any issues that maybe you were to blame for? Was there a major indiscretion (god forbid, cheating!) that led to that distasteful break-up? If so, you will be required at this point to bite the bullet and, ahem, apologize for any of these slights. We don't need to turn into a self-deprecating whino. Simply take responsibility for your errors and move on. 4. Open the door for feedback. A positive and well-constructed letter is great. However, if you're hoping for more than closure, maybe even a phone call in return, make sure that you give your ex an 'in' for continued communication. A natural way to get this done? Ask questions! Think of the last time you were in contact with your ex, and make thoughtful queries in relation to issues from that time. Ask after close friends and family members (maybe even a prized pet!). Doing so not only eases conversation once it takes place but also shows that you care. And unless you want a reconciliation built around the Postal Service, it might also be a good idea to give your ex an altnerate means to reach you (ie with your phone number). 5. Keep it short and sweet!So you've updated Ex. You've described your current situation in glowing terms. You've excused yourself for past indiscretions (as needed) and made it possible for Ex to get in touch with you. Now before diving into a detailed monologue concerning how much you miss said ex, your favorite relationship memories, etc., stop yourself. Receiving a letter from an ex is over-whelming enough, and if your ex is truly interested in reconciling, believe me, they will. This doesn't require an extensive oration on your part or some dignity-destroying begging. Sign your name ('sincerely' is fine), revise with care, and get the thing in the mail. For all things ex-related, including a complete guide to reconciling with that lost love, click here !
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