Happiness on Purpose?

As a psychologist who specializes in helping our most senior citizens as well as people with chronic physical and mental health problems, I’m frequently confronted by the issue of happiness and lack of purpose, and its effect on an individuals’ assessment of their quality-of-life.

In my practice and in my personal life, I consistently come into contact with many older people who seem to view their life as purposeless. They usually seem to have gotten their sense of purpose from some aspect of their life that they have now left behind. They were once mother’s, fathers, sisters and brothers, business owners or employees, athletes and even entertainers. They had roles that helped to define who they were and what they did. These roles determined how they would spend their days, who they would talk to, and the many responsibilities that would shape their lives. They didn’t have to think about what it meant to be a parent or “a good employee”. Cultural expectations seemed to articulate the definitions of those roles with “crystal clarity”.

Although those well-defined roles seemed to have their burdens and share of responsibilities, many older people look back longingly on those earlier days to determine their current sense of value. Those experiences have helped individuals to become who and what they are at the present time, but have little to do with their present value. Those memories may become either a help or a hindrance depending upon a person’s perspective. Wanting to return to the past, rather then continuing the evolution of an individual’s life and personality is a terrible waste of time, energy and happiness.

The happiest individuals that I see in my work in nursing homes and in the community are those that have been able to accept the changes in their life (and the difficulties) and have been able to redefine their roles in relation to those changes.  Whether they are a grandmother helping to raise her young grandchildren or an elderly man helping at a food pantry, they are always people who have found ways to redefine who they are now, rather than “who they were”. Happy people always have a way of “purposefully” looking forward.

Accepting change and renewing your purpose is a fundamental key to health and happiness. However, finding your purpose will never be possible for individuals who are lazy or only focused on themselves.  Happiness and purposeful living are usually accomplished in service to others. One of my favorite authors, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer stated it well in his book The Power of Intention: “In response to the question What should I do with my life?, I suggest that there’s only one thing you can do with it, since you came into this life with nothing and you leave with nothing:You can give it away.You’ll feel most on purpose when you’re giving your life away by serving others.  When you’re giving to others, to your planet, and your source, you’re being purposeful.  Whatever it is that you choose to do, if you’re motivated to be of service to others while being authentically detached from the outcome, you feel on purpose, regardless of how much abundance flows back to you.”