When you speak with rape survivors, this is exactly what you hear over and over again, a gut wrenching sense that something deep and essential has been seized by force and taken away, never, ever to be returned. In its place has been left only violation and destruction. This can be a very dark place, and although a victim may be silent for years, this place is rarely silent. It is usually full of noises and voices, dark and scary noises, with threatening and condemning voices. This is the place we dare to tread when we work with rape survivors. To this place we look to bring light and life and truth. Craig Keener, in his chapter on rape in the book, Women, Abuse and the Bible, writes, “God can turn pain into healing.
What others have wounded, God and time can put back together. We must let the victims of rape know that God is on their side, and that we are on their side too. Like God, we must walk through their pain with them, that our love and compassion may reflect in some small way the infinite love and compassion God feels towards his daughters who have been violated by others.”1 “Sexual assault” is the term applied to any form of non-consensual sexual contact. “Rape” is the term used for the most severe form of sexual assault, when contact involves penetration. Rape is defined as any sexual penetration (vaginal, anal, or oral) of another person without consent. “Without consent” includes violent force, cohersive force, threats (the victim believes she can not say no), and the inability to consent (she is impaired, unconscious, or asleep). Submission is not consent!
Statistics compiled by RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) report that the incidence of rape/sexual assault has declined significantly since 1993.2 However, as of surveys in 2003: every two and half minutes someone in America is being sexually assaulted; 70% of victims are acquainted with their attacker; 14.8% of all American women (nearly one in six) have been raped; 61% of rapes/sexual assaults go unreported; only 6% (one in 16) of rapists ever spend a day in jail for their crime; of the rapists surveyed, they had raped an average of seven times.2 Recovery Some research reports that a number of women recover from being raped relatively quickly and easily, within a month. Others recover from their severe depression within six months. However, research findings report that the majority of women take longer than a year to recover, but that they can recover.3 The complication is that this information is referencing acknowledged rape survivors—women who called what happened “rape” and told someone about it.
Unacknowledged victims, those who either didn’t recognize what happened as rape or who did not tell anyone, have a much more difficult time “recovering” because they don’t engage in the recovery process. The recovery process for rape is much like that of other traumas. It is generally seen as having three phases.4 The _Acute or Crisis_ phase typically occurs immediately after the rape and is characterized by significant expressiveness and emotional reactivity, including a shut down kind of shock. A woman who may have been raped years ago, but has just begun to deal with it, will likely also go through a form of this phase. _Reorganization or Integration_ is seen as the second phase. This involves working through the disruptions, telling the story, finding answers to the questions and dealing with issues of meaning. _The last phase is considered Resolution_, where life, purpose, and sense of self are redefined. This is also when issues of forgiveness are addressed. Forgiveness should not be rushed and there is reason to pause if it comes quickly and easily. Self-blame and shame are two of the biggest roadblocks to recovery. Trauma survivors need repetition of the truth in order to overcome these two roadblocks. The truth is: The rape happened because he was a rapist. If he had not been a rapist, then the rape would not have happened.
This is a useful phrase to speak repeatedly to survivors to help combat shame and self-blame, because it places the responsibility on the rightful person, the rapist. Another helpful concept to teach not only survivors, but also their support people, is: If she could leave it in the past she would (wouldn’t you?). The rape survivor would love to get over it and leave it in the past. The problem is that it’s not in the past; it’s with her here in the present —wherever she goes, there it is. Recognizing Rape Trauma Syndrome Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS) refers to a constellation of symptoms that nearly all survivors experience to differing degrees over time as a result of being raped.5 These trauma reaction symptoms are a normative response to the terror and violation of rape, and if they are totally absent, it is unlikely that the survivor is processing the event to a healthy resolution. On the other hand, if these symptoms persist without intervention, they can become an entrenched way of attempting to live a life.
_Symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome include_: Depression and thoughts of suicide Anxiety and phobias (specific and generalized) Anger/Hostility—directed at self, others and God Substance abuse (alcohol, medication, food, etc.)—self-medicating, pain management Denial of victimization, suppression, or minimization Self-blame/shame/guilt Sense of helplessness/insecurity/ intense vulnerability Negative Self-image/worthlessness —abusive relationships, extremely poor self care Loss of sense of meaning, purpose, faith Self-destructive/impulsive behaviors —promiscuity, eating disorders, self-mutilation, revictimization Impaired relationships/sexual problems—significant trust problems, rejection of sexuality and sex Sense of being permanently damaged or dirty Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Although the statistics vary, a commonly quoted figure is that as many as 25% of rape survivors develop chronic PTSD.5 The development of PTSD in the case of rape may depend on many factors: Intensity of actual or perceived threat to life, with or without the use of weapon; Threat to integrity of self —physical, emotional, psychological; Pre-rape trauma history; Pre-rape coping skills/pathologies; Post-rape intervention/ consequences; and Responses from significant others. Differential diagnosis between RTS, with or without PTSD, will hinge primarily on intensity and persistence of re-experiencing the rape, persistence of avoidance, numbing, and increased arousal. It is important to recognize that a massive amount of the pain and suffering we see with long-term RTS is the result of cognitive distortions in the attribution of meaning in the aftermath of the rape. Some of the faulty conclusions a survivor might reach are: she was responsible for the rape, the rape was deserved, and the survivor is tainted or meant to be used and not worthy of love or care. Healing Rape is an interpersonal trauma that requires interpersonal healing. The more opportunities to safely confront the impact of rape with understanding and support, the greater the recovery. To walk alongside a rape survivor in the recovery process is to be called to be a safe and validating witness to her terror, pain and loss.
It is to listen closely to the details of a real horror story you desperately wish was not true. It is to speak truth over and over again, and then to once more reassure her that it is still the truth in the next session. Please recognize that this process applies whether the rape occurred 10 days, 10 months or 10 years ago. Interpersonal healing from the trauma of rape happens best when several avenues are utilized. Working with a professional therapist who is trained in trauma issues is strongly recommended for all survivors. In addition, a support group or group therapy specific to rape and sexual trauma is an extremely helpful adjunct to the individual work. Critical in a survivor’s journey to reclaim her life and thrive, is the response of friends and family. When she has healthy relationships that are patient, supportive and affirming, it dramatically impacts her recovery process. Likewise, if her personal relationships are condemning, impatient or characterized by the lack of emotional safety, the process is greatly hindered, if not blocked entirely.
Safe therapeutic and personal relationships help to counter the rape-induced isolation that many survivors experience. They provide an environment where intense emotions, such as fear, grief, anger and shame, can be shared. Survivors need others to confirm the terror of their experience, normalize their responses and confront the many distortions of shame, blame and responsibility that overwhelm their minds. It is within safe relationships that the rape survivor has the renewed opportunity to experience safe attachment and personal empowerment. A key aspect of the healing process is to allow time, lots and lots of time. It is in spending the time talking about the details that the survivor’s process is brought into the light. The details of the rape, what he did and what she did and did not do, the details of what happened next, the details of who said what to her, the details of what she thought and said to herself. I have repeatedly found that what a survivor has never said out loud to anyone is the thing that is keeping her deeply stuck in some aspect of the trauma. So, take the time to listen and talk, ask the hard questions, and be willing to repeat yourself.
Know Yourself If you are going to participate in God’s redemptive work with rape survivors, you need to be self-aware. If you have a sexual trauma history, it needs to be dealt with so your issues do not become hers. Be prepared for the survivor to ask if you have a sexual trauma history and know what you are going to say in response. The question is usually centered on a concern for your ability to understand and be compassionate. If you choose to disclose your history, I would encourage you to be very general since many survivors are hyper-vigilant to others’ reactions and may try to caretake or treat you too much like a peer. You need to be informed about rape in general, and RTS and PTSD in particular. You will need to be comfortable with the expression of strong emotions; you cannot make dealing with rape “nice.” You will need to be able to discuss issues of sex and sexuality comfortably. These are huge areas of fear and concern for most survivors. To walk through the valley with a rape survivor is to do battle with darkness and evil. Self-care is essential to combat compassion fatigue and secondary traumatization. If you are a woman working with rape survivors, be especially aware of the fear and vulnerability issues that may be heightened for you. As with any trauma work, make sure you are talking to others about impact to yourself.
Consciously participate in activities that are restorative to how God has made you. Do not let the darkness swallow you up as you work to bring light, life and truth to women suffering the devastation of rape. May you reflect in some small way the infinite love and compassion God feels for his daughters who have been violated by others. Marital Rape _So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself (Ephesians 5:28,29,33)._ Not so very long ago, it was argued that there was no such thing as rape within marriage because a man was entitled to have sex with his wife whether she consented or not. It was not until 1993 that marital rape finally became a crime in all 50 states.
Marital rape is defined as any unwanted intercourse or penetration (vaginal, anal or oral) obtained by force, threat of force, or when the wife is unable to consent (impaired, unconscious or asleep).1 It is estimated that between 10% and 14% of married women experience rape by their spouses.1 Calculations place the total number of incidents of marital rape in the U.S. at approximately two million annually.2 Women most at risk for being raped by their husbands are those married to domineering or controlling men, especially if there is also physical abuse. Religious men who focus heavily on issues of submission fall in this domineering category. Circumstances of separation, divorce, pregnancy, illness or recovering from surgery will also increase the risk of a woman being raped by her spouse.1 Researchers categorize three types of marital rape. Force-only rape is where the husband uses only the amount of force necessary to coerce the wife. Battering rape occurs when the husband batters and rapes, with the battering happening before, during or after the rape. Sadistic/obsessive rape involves the use of pornography, perverse sexual acts and torture.1
It is easy to recognize how men who have control/anger management problems, abuse alcohol and drugs, or are heavily involved with pornography could become perpetrators of marital rape. What may be less obvious is that the men who use verbal coercion, financial controls, emotionally punishing behaviors, or submission rhetoric against their wives are also perpetrators of marital rape. I worked with a woman who would beg her doctor to allow her to stay longer in the hospital every time she gave birth because as soon as she would arrive home with her newborn, her Christian husband would demand sex. Additionally, the man who engages his spouse’s body in sexual activity while she is asleep is also guilty of rape because she was unable to consciously consent. It was terribly naively to assume that marital rape was somehow a less traumatic form of sexual violence than other forms. However, if we take a moment to recognize the extreme betrayal involved when a husband, whose role is to love, cherish, shelter and provide, violates his wife through sexual violence, we cannot help but be in deep mourning for the devastation to her heart, mind and soul.Take help from telephone psychologist .
Another aspect of the horror of marital rape is that two-thirds of the time, it happens more than once during the marriage, with one-third of the women reporting over 20 assaults by their spouses.2 As with other forms of domestic violence, many women do not have adequate means or support to confront sexual abuse within their marriage, and are therefore enduring the trauma of living every day face to face with their rapist.
