Caring for the aging when they are ill is not for the weak of heart, mind and body. As we all get older, the tendency to complain about the most insignificant thing, increases each day. Helping them through a painful experience can be an adventure for all involved.
When a sick relative has an inclination to point out perceived mistakes and foibles of those around him, it makes it a little difficult to care for them with the kindness, understanding and patience they deserve. Helping with their care can cause even the most steadfast of us to lose our patience.
My brother climbed out of his drug induced sleep that had kept him from feeling the pain of the surgeon's knives as they amused themselves by carving, whittling and digging into his spine. Upon awakening he looked around the hospital room and pointed out that the flowers on the window sill needed watering, hinting that someone had fallen down on the job.
Thanks to a host of drugs, including liberal use of Morphine, he was able to survive the next five days in the hospital with a minimum amount of conversation. The pharmaceuticals also reduced his discomfort to a tolerable level. The better he began to feel, the grumpier he became.
Crankiness and mental abuse by senior citizens has been the subject of television shows and movies for years. To think that this moodiness was brought on solely by his surgery would be to forget his expertise in picking and nagging at someone until they feel like screaming.
The reason for helping my brother after his surgery despite his tendency to criticize is simple; he's my brother and he was hurting from a disease that is not really a disease. For about five hours his backbone was scraped, cut and glued back together. Bone spurs and deposits of Arthritis were also removed. The doctors said he had the spine of a 95 year old man.
It has been determined that Degenerative Disc Disease is not actually a disease. It's simply a term the medical profession uses to describe changes in your spinal discs as you age. These changes are normal, but are exacerbated by smoking and hard physical work. He has done a lot of both during his lifetime.
A friend, without whom I could not have managed his care, brought him home from the hospital, two hours away from his house. Still fairly heavily sedated he survived the trip home. Then the home care began.
Let it be known that if I had an eight inch incision in the middle of my back, I wouldn't be on my best behavior either. I consider it a God given right to whine and moan about even the slightest of pains. Let's face it, when you're in pain about the only pleasure you have is to gripe. I'm good at that!
My brother didn't really complain, he just tried to micro manage his care. I'm sure professional nurses endure this kind of advice regularly and deal with it with a smile. Not me! Having a low threshold when it comes to someone, no matter how sick, pointing out constantly how I could have done something better, ruffles my feathers.
When we are sick we all complain. I believe it's a necessary part of healing. My hat is off to all caregivers who can last a week or more helping the bedridden without choking them.
