HOMOSEXUAL AND HETEROSEXUAL DIVORCE
Copyright by Merlene Bishop
Since homosexuality is a controversial social issue, many gay and lesbian people marry heterosexuals in an attempt to squelch their attraction to other same sex people, avoiding discrimination and homophobia. They mistakenly believe that by marrying a heterosexual and having children they will be happy. They may also believe that having a family will normalize their sexual orientation.
Sadly, they discover that this is a myth. Regardless of the beliefs about homosexuality, one cannot successfully change their sexual orientation.
At this point they are likely to file for divorce, but doing so is fraught with risks since many divorce court judges are not supportive of gays and lesbians as parents. Some agree to keep their sexual orientation out of the divorce, inventing other reasons for the separation. Like all other parents who have gone through a divorce, the ones who adapt in a healthy way are those who agree that they want to strive for cooperative co-parenting.
Gay and lesbian parents are no different from heterosexual parents in this regard. All parents want their children to understand and accept them as they are, and they understand that their child needs to love and be loyal to both. Young children have no concept of normalcy regarding their parents' sexual orientation.
They only know that they want a mom and a dad who loves them unconditionally. They can adapt to having divorced parents who are gay or lesbian. The most significant factor is the mental health of the parents, and how they relate to their former spouse. As with heterosexual divorced parents, gay and lesbian parents must learn the basic universal rules of co-parenting:
*Avoid conflict in front of the children
*Be aware of the grief process in themselves and their children after divorce
*Avoid making derogatory comments about the other parent
*Maintain consistency with visitation and household rules
*Be cooperative regarding the children's preferences and needs of things to take at visitation times
*Prepare your children in a sensitive way for new relationships when you have them
When divorced parents can put the children's needs first, children are resilient enough to be OK with mom or dad's sexual orientation, and parents can raise happy, healthy children.
For more good reading on divorce, go to divorceissuesandrecovery.blogspot.com
