I often hear from wives who tell me that they think their husband is no longer in love with them. I often hear phrases like: "I"m afraid he doesn't love me anymore." Or, "he acts as if he just doesn't like me any longer." Or, "I'm not sure if he still loves me." Wives often ask me if there is any way to tell if they are right in these suspicions. I think this is because they are hoping that they are wrong.
Many times, the wife will approach the husband with her concerns and then be told that she is just being overly dramatic or imagining things. Many husbands will use the defense that it's not realistic to expect a couple who has been married for a while to be as demonstrative as they were when they were first dating. This may well be true, but when one spouse isn't feeling loved in the relationship, this can be a real problem. And frankly, both spouse's perceptions may as well be reality.
The husband can repeatedly swear that he still loves his wife (and he might even believe this himself,) but if she isn't feeling valued and treasured, then to her, this is absolutely true. And this truth is likely to influence the way that she acts and reacts around her husband. And, he's just as likely to react as well. And so this assumption (whether it was true or not) can have some real consequences upon the marriage. In the following article, I will offer some insights for wives who are afraid there husbands no longer love them in the hopes that this helps bring about some improvements in the marriage.
Some Things For You To Look For If You're Not Sure If Your Husband Still Loves You Or Not:Wives often ask me if there is anyway to tell if their husband no longer loves them. Unfortunately, you can't see straight through to his heart or to his brain. You're either stuck talking his word as truth or you can watch his behaviors for clues.
Husbands who are no longer feeling loving toward their wives will start to treat her like an acquaintance, coworker, or friend instead of a lover. The intimate gestures and the physical demonstrations usually give way to a "let's get down to business" kind of attitude. Sure, the two may still interact as parents or as two people who run a home together. But, you'll likely notice that he no longer reaches out to take your hand as much or stroke your face as much. He may no longer listen to you as intently as he did. And you may not notice as much humor or laughter being present. He also may be spending more and more time away.
With these things said though, seeing these behaviors doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed or that your husband has 100% fallen out of love with you. It can mean, however, that he's taking you or the marriage for granted or that "he's fallen out of love" with the relationship because it's no longer providing the feedback and the pay off that it once did. (And this could very much be true for you also.)
Everything here can eventually be fixed and the fact that you are researching this topic shows that you are willing to put in the time and effort to change things. So, let's move on to how you can do just that.
It's Usually A Better Idea To Place Your Focus On Make Positive Changes Rather Than Defining Exactly How Much (Or If) Your Husband Still Loves You. ( In A Healthy Marriage, You Don't Have To Ask:)Wives often ask me repeatedly if there are ways "to know for sure" if their husband still loves them. These are questions that I can't definitively answer, although I can generally say that if you're asking the question at all, this alone should get your attention.
There's a real danger in placing all of your focus on figuring out your husband's feelings for you while neglecting the very things that are going to change this. I often tell wives that they will typically be better off worrying about change rather than worrying about semantics and definitions. Because usually, if you make the changes that makes your marriage happy again, the feelings and the behaviors follow right along so that you no longer have to worry about these things.
So, if you've fallen into the trap of trying to get a straight answer out of your husband when he's either denying everything or is becoming annoyed by the repeated questions, consider just focusing on what you can do so that you're getting more of the behaviors and improvements that you want to see. If you were feeling loved, understood, and appreciated by your husband right now, you wouldn't need to examine this issue. The real key then, is to return the marriage to a better place rather than placing all of your focus on the feelings that tend to automatically go hand in hand with a healthy marriage.
Returning The Marriage To A Better Place So That You Know, Without A Doubt, That Your Husband Still Loves You:Hopefully, I've made it pretty clear that, in my experience, when the marriage improves, the feelings almost always follow. It can help to pinpoint how your marriage got off track in the first place. Sometimes, there are very distinct issues that are eroding things and other times, the couple has just sort of fallen into a rut for various reasons.
Whatever the cause, you will often have more success if you do not dwell on the negative and instead focus on the positive. No one likes to have their attention drawn to the fact that what they are doing is making their spouse unhappy. People will generally avoid or negatively perceive someone who is insinuating that they (or their behaviors) are the cause of the other person's unhappiness. But, if you can improve things by focusing on what has been right rather than on what is currently wrong, you will generally get a better response (and more cooperation from) your husband.
Show him the positive, happy go lucky, and life embracing woman that he fell in love with. Catch him doing something which makes you feel loved and praise him and let him know how good this makes you feel. Demonstrate the type of behavior that you want to see and then heap on more positive feedback.
Sometimes, wives tell me that they are resentful at having to set up all of the improvements. This can feel one sided at first, but it does help you to ultimately get what you want. And isn't that what's really important? Because when you are feeling loved again, then you will likely exhibit some of the behaviors and actions that are going to bring about more demonstrative efforts from your husband so that the cycle turns from a negative one to a positive one.
Unfortunately for me, I ignored my questioning whether my husband still loved me for far too long. It was almost too late when I finally got the hint. This almost cost me my marriage. Luckily, over time (and taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and bring back his love. You can read a very personal story on my blog at
