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Divorce , being a failure or cessation of the couple’s commitment towards one another in their married and family responsibilities, has an adverse effect on the child’s psyche when they come to know of the fact that they are no longer continuing to be a single unit. The profound impact is felt in the life of the child, which mars the child emotionally, mentally and academically.
It leaves an indelible and emphatically traumatic impression on the child’s vulnerable mind. In the pre-divorce period the child gets used to watching the acrimonious and vociferous arguments between parents and is in a mental turmoil as to who is right and who is wrong. This even further confuses the child as to how the relationship between the wife and husband ought to be. The child might incorporate the connotation of marriage in a negative way and might eventually lose belief in the institution of marriage as such. In most cases, the arguments the parents have lay the foundation stone for the child to develop an aversion towards marital life.
Just as there are two sides of a coin, the impact divorce has on children has both advantages and disadvantages, depending on the situation or the circumstances in each family. The advantage is that the child need not see the increasing number of arguments and resentment between his or her parents. As a result, the child is saved of a great deal of emotional pressure and is let in peace. However, one thing is for sure, he or she will miss his or her other parent very badly.
Primarily, divorce brings with it a lot of loneliness for the child. They are accosted with the new things as their parents start seeing new people who might first start as going on a date, later on perhaps cohabitation, and eventually end up in another marriage. God alone knows for how long this marriage is going to work. It is up to the child to make the necessary amendments and adaptations for the smooth transition within their lives. The child has to accept new people as step dad or step mom, half sister or half brother. The child is emotionally involved and attached again to a new set of people who might continue to stay with him or her, or just disappear from their life just as suddenly as they made an entrance.
As a result, instead of confiding in their parents during any crisis, because of their unavailability or preoccupation with their new partners, the children start finding confidants in the form of friends or siblings who might not be capable of taking the right decision on behalf of the child. The impact of separation on the child’s psyche may vary from child to child and with age, gender and maturity of the child. A lot also depends on how compassionately the parents tackle their children’s problems during the time of separation.
The child might become irritable on the spur of the moment for no significant reason, become angry with others for no fault of theirs, become non-cooperative, give in to substance abuse, yearn for solitude, do not feel like mingling with others, and get suicidal or violent thoughts. His or her anxiety levels might scale new heights. In addition, having so much havoc playing on his or her mind may mean that they cannot concentrate on their academic studies. The child develops fear, confusion, feelings of rejection from any of the parent, loneliness and divided loyalties.
To reduce the effect divorce has on the child, the parents must not forget their duty towards the child. They must try to maintain the same routine and make the child feel important to them even after they have separated. They should not vent their anger or resentment on the child, or pressurise the child to take any sides, which would only augment the emotional conflict the child is already undergoing. Fighting for custody, the trials etc., might again make the child more anxious… so it is better to leave it for the child to decide where he or she wants to stay.
If the divorce not handled tactfully, the child might not have a smooth growing up and might be fraught with feelings of anguish and resentments towards parents and marriage in general.
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