Couples face problems all the time. Sometimes those problems lead to threats of separation and that's when things really get scary. Find out how to avoid divorce even if your spouse is adamant there's no way you can save the marriage.
When one spouse has it set in their mind that the only solution to their marital problems is divorce, it leaves the other spouse floundering. How can they save their marriage when their spouse won't agree to seek counseling or stop their race to court long enough to sort out their differences? Your spouse may be determined to get out of the marriage and you really want them to stay but it feels like you're trying to stop a speeding freight train with nothing more solid than a piece of tissue paper.
Believe it or not, you can pull out a few tactics that parents, politicians, and business leaders use all the time to encourage people to do something they don't want to do. It's called negotiation.
Negotiation is the act of achieving an agreement with another party. In the case of a potential divorce, your spouse wants out and you don't. While it appears impossible to come to any middle ground, it can be done. The trick is to negotiate not for your spouse to stop the divorce, but to negotiate for time. You want to stall the divorce from being filed so that you can carry out a side strategy for fixing your relationship. Your spouse does not have to know that yet. Focus on getting more time and slowing down any decision to file. It's much easier to get your spouse to agree to just put things off so you can think through all of the details responsibly if they believe you are being cooperative.
How to Avoid Divorce
Agree Divorce May be the Only Answer- If your spouse believes that divorce is the only solution, part of their rush to get it done is that they think you are going to make it difficult for them because they know you disagree. To gain time, let them see you agree with them that the problems in your marriage do appear to be so challenging that your spouse may be right.
This doesn't mean that you say, "Sure, you're right. Go ahead and file." Instead, say something like, "I realize our problems seem impossible and I completely understand why you've decided we should get a divorce." You don't stop there, though. The next statement you make is critical. You follow that statement with something like this, "My only concern is that I've heard about so many couples who lost a fortune because of divorce. We're better than that and I think we could find a way to work together to save ourselves a lot of headache, money, and time." Now, you're giving your spouse a reason to consider slowing down.
Establish a Team Approach- Once you've planted the seed for an alternative, agreeable approach to divorce, build an action plan together. Set the steps the two of you will research in order to find the best solution that allows the divorce to happen without losing a ton of money. For example, decide that you will research mediators together or read the same book on agreeable divorce strategies. Come up with anything that will take a week or two to cover, at the very least. There's a second strategy at play, here. Not only are you buying more time but now you're going to try to come across as an ally, a partner to your spouse. While it might seem counter-intuitive to be making plans for a divorce that you don't want to have happen, you are removing the feeling that you and your spouse are on opposite teams. This can help open the crack you need to start working out marital problems instead of divorce strategies.
Seek Relationship Help- Find a good book or counselor to help you work on your marital problems with the time you have bought yourself. You're rekindling the feeling of being a team with your spouse, now leverage that with some strategies that will show them you are the same person with whom they originally fell in love. If done correctly, your spouse will start to doubt their decision to pursue a divorce.
The more comfortable you make things for your spouse, the less likely they will be to rush their decision. Using negotiation to avoid divorce is a sensible strategy that applies time-tested techniques to a very delicate situation.
