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Child discipline the easy way ~Part 1
My children run the gamut of unfortunate behaviors due to their own innate personalities. In almost nine years of parenting, I have picked up some handy tricks to bring happiness and peace in the household. Today we will discuss teaching your children to take you seriously. This can be done without yelling, spanking, empty threats and tears (on your part, at least)!
I learned John Rosemond's "Ticket System" to discipline children years ago. It is simple and easy. The best part is that it actually works. We can remember it and kids understand it!
In a nutshell, my two older boys (8 & 6) both have four tickets on the fridge in the morning. With each ticket that is lost, privileges are lost. I explain to the Monkeys what is expected and what the consequences are if they disobey. It's that easy.
This is important, listen close, don't ramble on. Your kids will tune you out, like the teacher in Charlie Brown's classroom. When you speak remember the three C's.
The Three C's-
Be Clear- explain exactly what expectations are and why.
Be Concise- K.I.S.S.- Kids will only listen to about two sentences, if you are lucky!
Be Commanding- speak with authority. Fake it until you feel comfortable. Pretend you know what you are doing!
We are working on one issue at a time with the tickets. Presently, the boys are learning to obey me when I give a direction. I have announced that nagging them and yelling is bumming me out, and I will do it no more. Do not try to use the ticket system for all the things they do wrong. There is time to teach and change behavior, and it shouldn't be done all at once. Both you and your kids will go crazy. Focus on the BIG STUFF.
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Here's how it works-
The child will receive one warning before losing a ticket.
~"Hey Monkey, I asked you to put your dish in the dishwasher after breakfast. Here's your one and only warning."
2. The first ticket, of four, is removed from the fridge and put on the side when a second act of disobedience occurs.
~"Ok, Monkey, I asked you not to wrap your brothers in toilet paper to play mummies. You have lost your first ticket! Be careful, I'm sure you will work hard not to lose the second ticket!"
3. When the second ticket is removed be prepared for your little insurgents to riot! Do not lose hope, stay strong. If you back down now.....you are done!
~"Uh-Oh, Monkeys, you were told not to spray paint the dog pink. You lost your third ticket, no cartoons* for the rest of the day. "
*If your little henchmen are gamers, then no games is a great choice here!
4. When ticket #3 is lost, my Monkeys lose the privilege to watch any TV or go out and play with kids after school.
Third ticket will increase the screaming and gnashing of teeth tenfold. ~~DO NOT BACK DOWN!~~~ When your child blows you off, you pull that ticket and stand your ground. Remind your little terrorist that if he argues you WILL pull the last ticket.
"Monkey, I told you that if you juggled flaming toilet paper rolls in the front yard, you must wear your goggles. You didn't, and now I have to pull your third ticket. No TV and no playing with friends today."
5. Now you have hit the big time......The last ticket.
Depending on how 'strong-willed' your little henchman is you may only have to pull it once, or it may take a dozen times. When the fourth ticket is lost the child must stay in his or her room until bedtime, only coming out for mealtimes and bathroom.
~~If the little wild child has a TV, Computer, or Game system in there (he shouldn't!)......Take it out!
"Darling, you stole mommy's Suburban to drive to Toys-R-Us with your little homies. I told you that you couldn't drive for 11 more years. You have lost your last ticket. You will be in your room until bedtime. I'll call you out for dinner when it is ready."
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Ticket System F.A.Q.s-
Dear Fussypants,
My little Carson went to his room at 11:30 this morning. I feel so sorry for him. He's apologetic and sweet. I think he should come out. He's only 7 and I can't leave him up there all day. What should I do?
Thanks, Wimpy in Washington
Dear Wimpy in Washington,
If your little sweety were so sweet he wouldn't have misbehaved and lost all his tickets. Hopefully, today will teach him never to blow you off and ignore your directions again. If you let him out now he will have won and he will not take the system seriously. The point of the system is to keep parents from getting angry and giving out a million empty threats. Stand your ground, Sister. You are the parent right?
Love, Mrs. Fussypants
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Dear Mrs. Fussypants,
When I pulled little Gracie's fourth ticket she became furious. She screamed and it ripping up her room. I put up a baby gate to keep her in. I had to let her out because she would have ruined all her things. What else can I do?
Thanks, Bad Mommy in Ohio
Dear Bad Mommy,
Gracie won, didn't she? Some children use sympathy to get their way. Gracie used force. If she is able to make you back down as a small child, then she will laugh in your face as a teenager. Children do not get easier with age. Children, over the years, simply become more ingrained in their behavior patterns. Pack up Gracie's breakables in a couple plastic totes from Target. Explain to her that all her favorite belongings will be put away until she can control herself. Next time she is put in her room when all her tickets are gone, she will think twice about channeling the Tasmanian Devil. If you stand your ground now, she will learn to respect you.
Love, Mrs. Fussypants
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Dear Mrs. Fussypants,
At what age should I start the tickets? How should I make them?
Thanks, Clueless in Colorado
Dear Clueless,
You can start as early as four. Four year olds need more chances than say a six to nine year old. I used 6 tickets, and gave other punishments with them, when my kids were under 5. What punishment should you use? Take away what your child really enjoys. If it were fun, it wouldn't be punishment, would it?
I made the tickets from supplies from the craft store. I used- interesting scrapbook paper (footballs, ballet shoes etc...), and sticky backed magnets. If you choose paper that shows each child's personality then there is no confusion. I keep my tickets on the fridge.
Love, Mrs. Fussypants
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Dear Mrs. Fussypants,
I don't like the idea that I have to be mean and lock my child in his room! This seems like child abuse. I want a happy loving family!
Sincerly, Fran in Fantasyland
Dear Fran in Fantasyland,
Think about how many interactions between Moms and kids turn out......
Mom, "Honey, please don't pour milk on your sisters favorite American Girls Dolls!"
Mom, getting louder, "Swee-eety, how would you feel if someone did that to your toys?"
Mom, angrily yells, "Get away from then, NOW."
Mom, when ignored again, is furious.She screams, yanks him up by the arm and pops him on the bottom.
What happened? The boy learns not to listen or take Mom seriously because Mom won't take action until she is furious. Until Mom is mean, he won't be bothered to listen.
Children need limits and clear guidelines. Parents have the moral responsibility to civilize their children. To not teach your children to control themselves and yield to a higher authority you are essentially neglecting them.
Is it "mean" to put them in their room all day? Only if you don't feed him regular meals, hurl unpleasantries at him, or throw snakes in with him. Now that would be mean.
No out-of-control child is happy. Happiness comes when ALL members of a family can behave in a resonably civilized manner!
Furthermore, child abuse many times occurs when an exasperated parent just can't take it anymore. "I've done everything I can. That boy won't listen. I have spank to get his attention!" This escalates quickly and sadly, this is the moment parents just SNAP and abusive* interactions can occur.
*Verbal abuse and emotional abuse is very common, and just as painful as physical abuse.*
I hope this helps!
Love, Mrs. Fussypants
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