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Whether you've been together for 40 days or 40 years, marriage is a series of ups and downs. You may not always feel in love with your spouse. In fact, I can almost guarantee there will be times you'll wonder if you even like your partner at all. It's not a question of whether you'll occasionally fall out of love with each other, but more a matter of praying you both don't fall out of love at the same time.
The secret to a happy -- or should we say successful -- marriage isn't really a secret at all; the key is in keeping romance alive.
Anything living needs to be fed, and so does your relationship.
* Do Small Kindnesses for Each Other Every Day
Make her coffee before you leave the house in the morning. Put a note in his or her briefcase or sock drawer, where it'll be found unexpectedly. Text her that you love her while riding home on the train. It's the little things you do every day that make your spouse feel loved and needed. What little thing can you do to make sure your spouse feels the love?
* Plan Special Times Together
You might smirk at the suggestion of having a weekly date night, but there's a reason counselors suggest it to couples; it's a tried and true way of scheduling romantic time alone. Find something you both like to do, whether it's eating out, biking or walking -- it doesn't matter what it is, just make the time to do it together.
No babysitter? Have what I call a 'Kissing and Cooking' night. Put the kids in front of a video and the two of you can spend time together in the kitchen - tickling each others senses. Call it Mom and Dad's time to share the love while showing your kids the value you've place on your relationship.
Think of how many divorced couples you know, or how many friendships that have fallen by the wayside. We need to spend time with the ones we love. Luckily, it's never too late to build or rebuild that special bond.
* Respect Each Other's Interests
You may not always love everything your spouse loves to do, but you can learn to love watching them do it. Think of it this way, instead of loving what he loves, love watching him enjoy what he loves.
Sit on the couch and watch a ballgame even though you don't like sports. If she loves art, spend the afternoon at a museum or art exhibit. It doesn't have to be an everyday event, it's about respecting each other's interests from time to time with one thing in mind -- giving them your attention and unconditional time just to show how much you care.
* Realize it's Not Always 50/50
Marriage is rarely a 50/50 proposition. It's pointless to keep score and become bitter because you feel you're doing more than your fair share. In reality, there are times you'll put in 70-percent of the effort and times your spouse will pick up the slack when you can barely devote 20-percent.
It may feel like a tug of war sometimes, but it's really giving and sacrificing when your spouse is weak and him returning the favor during your tough times. It is the for better or for worse part of your vows played out in every day life.
* It Takes Time and Effort
When you put time into your lawn it looks great. When you put time into practicing the piano you sound great. A happy, healthy marriage takes time, attention and loving care; it doesn't just happen. Everyone is busy these days and there never seems to be enough time for everything.
Don't waste time on things that don't really matter and not leave enough time for the things that do. The time you put into your marriage will create a lifetime of happy, loving memories that you'll remember for years to come.
So, roll up your sleeves, hoot and holler, hug your honey and do a little dance around your computer because you can start enhancing the romance in your marriage today.
Happy living and loving!
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