Have you ever decided to make a major change in your life, a change that you feel totally committed to making, only to find after a few weeks, days or perhaps only hours, all your good intentions have been scuttled and you are back to where you were?
Perhaps you have made a New Years Resolution and decided to stop smoking, limit drinking or take up a new fitness routine? Maybe you took a decision to look for new job or rewrite your CV or ask a certain special person out on a date?
Many people have had, at various times, goals that they have struggled to achieve or plans that appeared to come to nothing. When I ask people what holds them back in life, they often tell me it is a lack of confidence, or shyness or not having ‘self esteem’ or something similar.
So what can you do if the changes you want to make just seem too overwhelming?
Research conducted by the University of Hertfordshire shows that keeping a diary, breaking up goals into smaller steps, rewarding yourself and focusing on your success can all contribute to making plans and goals come to fruition.
Another factor is telling others about these resolutions. This is something that counsellors and therapists can confirm often works wonders. Hearing ourselves speak about what we are doing and having an audience to our plans and dreams can be like talking them into existence. It is a very powerful strategy in making change!
But how easy is it to start sharing our plans or goals with the people in our lives, especially when confidence seems in short supply?
Counsellors and therapists are in a unique position. We expect the people who consult with us to be somewhat vulnerable, stuck or lost. So our professional responsibility to maintain confidentiality can provide just enough of a lift to confidence to encourage people to share their stories.
Modern technology and the Internet have taken this one step further. Now it is possible to meet with a counsellor online in comfort and privacy. For many people, online counselling is easier and requires less confidence than meeting with a counsellor or therapist in person. For example, webcam counselling sessions are a lot simpler to attend because you don’t need to travel to an office, park the car or sit in a waiting room! Instant messaging provides a higher level of privacy with the benefit of a written record of the session. Similarly, email counselling allows you to write in your own time. Motivation can come and go, so it can be helpful to write when it is at its highest.
Confidence grows when we are encouraged to talk about what we want and supported to believe changes are possible. Online counselling is effective because no matter how much shyness or how little confidence is around, you can make a start. And that’s the beginning of change.
