Many of the emails that I get have one thing in common. Whether a divorce is on the horizon, a split has been discussed, or the wife just feels her husband slipping away, I often get requests to help to "get a husband's love back." This is a slippery slope because usually once you have experienced a coolness in your marriage for long enough to take action, a shift has already occurred within the dynamics of it.
This doesn't mean returning the love to even higher level than it has ever been is impossible. It certainly is not. But, you need to be aware of the changing dynamics so that you can meet them head on and be proactive. However, this doesn't mean that you should over reach, grasp at straws, or come off as desperate or not genuine. In fact, these are the most common mistakes that I see women make. There is a much better, much more effective way, which I will discuss in the following article.
Despite What You Think, It's Very Probable That Your Husband Still Loves You, But The Circumstances In Your Life Has Dulled Those Feelings Significantly:I often say, and I fully believe, that few people can turn deep feelings off and on like a light switch. In fact, to a certain extent, I believe that many couples who end up divorcing still deep down have feelings of love between them. But, what typically happens is that the circumstances that follow the distance build upon themselves until things feel as if they are irretrievably broken. You want to avoid this at all costs.
Don't approach this as though you are already beaten or as though you're already the loser in this game – desperate to gain ground and get a strong grip on your husband before he falls away. Go in this knowing that it's very highly likely that your husband still has the feelings that brought you together, but that it is the circumstances that have choked it out.
So, you'll need to change the circumstances – not generate new feelings. It's important to understand this so that you are concentrating on what really needs to change. It's so common for the daily burdens of life, family, jobs, and obligations to blur what is really important. Stress and daily tension start to take their toll so that these negative emotions become commonplace and the things that we tend to concentrate on. This is what you need to change.
The Very Common Mistakes That You May Be Making When You're Trying To Get His Love Back:Many women will make the mistake of overcompensating here and acting in a totally over accommodating way that comes off as not genuine or untypical. This is a turn off for men who feel like or know that they are being played. Suddenly, the wife will make time in a way that is oh so obvious. A woman who had been previously independent and strong will suddenly try to take on a subservient role. If your husband had wanted a yes – wife, he would've married one. This is not what attracted him to you, so why bring on this new persona now? The better approach is to show him more of the woman he first fell in love with – the one who is understandably buried under the rush and stress of day to day life.
Another mistake that I see women make is that they'll sort of have a stand off of coldness. If their husband starts becoming distant, rather than addressing it or trying to determine if there are some negative external factors that they can help with, they take the attitude of "well, if he's going to act this way, then two can play that game." So, what you get is sort a game of chicken to see who will blink first. Unfortunately, while you're waiting your marriage is deteriorating and your husband is thinking that his wife doesn't notice or support him. So, no one really wins in this scenario. And, even if one of you "give in," there's going to be underlying resentment rather than a genuine victory.
The Best Way To Get Your Husband's Love Back:The best way to return your husband's love is to elicit the feelings and experiences that make him want to give it. This sounds simplistic, yes. But, this is exactly what you did when you were first falling in love. You had fun together. You did what you could to lighten his load. You listened and paid attention. You made the time. You put only your best self on display. Admittedly, you didn't have the responsibilities that you have now. Things were probably easier then. But, giving even a little more effort will typically yield huge results.
When your husband is getting his needs met by the genuine, light hearted, and loving woman he first fell in love with, those positive feelings are going to manifest themselves in your feeling loved and valued as well.
Another thing that I tell wives is to act "as if." What I mean by this is not to panic and to act as if you've already gotten what you want. This is going to change your state of mind and the way that you approach things. You're going to be a lot more positive to be around and this is going to shift the dynamics so that you can then "catch" your husband exhibiting the behavior that you want and the gestures that show affection and love. When this happens, you lay on the positive reinforcement, tell him how good this feels, and follow it up by returning the favor. This serves to create a cycle of positive feelings and interactions that feed on themselves and get you back to where you want to be in your marriage.
When I felt my husband slipping away, I almost did not respond quickly enough and I almost lost him.I stooped to negative behavior that only drove my husband further away. Thankfully, I soon realized my mistake and decided to approach things from another angle and this eventually worked. You can read a very personal story on my blog at
