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I grieved more over my divorce six months after it actually happened than I did when I went through it. That’s because when you go through a breakup or divorce, you are in survival mode. You are dealing with intense emotions and feelings, while at the same time, trying to create a new life for yourself. It takes incredible strength, courage and determination. All your energy is focused on getting through the transition. You don't grieve until later. Much later. It's all a process.
But you must grieve. You must allow yourself to mourn him. When you do, it is gut-wrenching and painful. This may be where you're at right now. If so, I know it feels like the pain will never end, but trust me, it will as long as you allow yourself to grieve. It will take time, but you have to get it out. Don't be afraid to cry as often as you need. It's cathartic and necessary in order for you to move on.
If you repress your feelings, you will remain stuck. We must feel our feelings to move on. Be gentle with yourself and proud that you have the courage to feel. When you feel, you know you're alive, right?
I'd rather feel pain and know I'm alive than feel nothing. The one thing a narcissist can never take away from us is our ability to feel. A narcissist cannot feel. A narcissist will never feel, which is precisely why he is so jealous and envious of those of us who can.
Be grateful you have the emotional capacity to feel and love again in the future. A narcissist does not have that and will never have that. Embrace your life and your ability to feel the joy of love again. It will come to you if you stay true to yourself.
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