Step 1: Check return policy
Check the store’s return policy. Some places will issue store credit without a receipt if the tags are still intact and the clothes appear undamaged. So control the impulse to damage the clothes.
Consider trying to sell them on eBay—your trash may be someone else’s (pitiful) treasure.
Step 2: Donate them
If returning the clothes is out of the question, try donating them to charity. Explain to your parents that you “have so much, while others have so little.”
Step 3: Tailor them
Make some alterations. With a bit of ingenuity and access to a sewing machine (or at least scissors), it’s possible to transform something ugly into something pretty—or, at the very least, something non-offensive.
Unless you’re pretty good at garment alteration, spend a little money to have them professionally altered. Ill-fitting pleated trousers may be bad, but ill-fitting pleated shorts are worse.
Step 4: Ruin it accidentally
Accidentally ruin the clothes by reading the laundering instructions and then doing exactly the opposite. If it says “dry-clean only,” toss it in the washing machine with a pair of jeans on “heavy load.” Feign disappointment.
Step 5: Try honesty
Of course, you could always try being honest. Explain to your parents the importance of not resembling a vision-impaired septuagenarian.
Refrain from bratty outbursts like, “Just becauseyou’vegiven up on looking good, doesn’t mean I have to!” Remember, the goal is to convince your parents to stop treating you like a small child.
Step 6: Work it
Your final option? Work it! Make do with what you’ve got. Do you think that history’s greatest tastemakers shopped at the mall?
Some stores use special computer programs to prevent “serial returners” from abusing the return system.
