If your husband is disinterested in sex or demonstrates a shift in sexual preferences, you may automatically suspect that he is cheating. It’s a legitimate concern. While a change in sexual habits or lack of interest is often a symptom of a cheating spouse, sometimes it is not. One real possibility is that he is addicted to pornography.
Of course before jumping to conclusions, it would be preferable to talk to your husband about the fact that you are concerned with the change in his behavior toward you and your love life. Realistically, many couples are not comfortable to have such conversations or anger and resentment have built up between them.
What to look out for -could he be having an affair?
If your husband is having an affair, here are some clues to watch out for.
1. Changes in his work schedule – working later.
2. Prefers to come to bed after you have fallen asleep.
3. Changes in appearance such as dressing differently or new hair style.
4. Behavioral changes – more distant and distracted from you and others in the family, more confrontational with you.
5. Going out for walks alone. Sharing less information about his day and his plans.
6. Spending more time on the computer and being secretive about it.
There are definitely similarities in the behavioral changes that a porn addict would demonstrate. But the changes are usually qualitatively different between someone addicted to pornography and someone who is having an affair.
An addiction is something that a person does not choose. Nobody wants to be addicted to pornography! They are not in control of the habit. So it causes a great deal of suffering and shame. When someone is having an affair, it is their choice -- they are not driven by a need that they can not control. While their may be obvious conflicts that make their life complicated and stressful, they do not experience symptoms of an addiction. If they stop the affair, they can still function.
Someone who is addicted to porn will typically display a change in their demeanor. They are thinking about porn frequently, busy seeking out porn (today it is quite easy on the Internet) and they are actively hiding their habit. The person will often show signs of depression (not common in someone having an affair) and can even become suicidal.
Remember, it is not that they are choosing porn over you. They have lost control. They usually know that they are harming themselves and others. And they are feeling pain and shame.
What to do about a porn addiction
As hard as it can be, it’s important to talk. Depending on how strong the addiction is, how long it has been going on, there are a variety of options for trying to solve the problem. For some, self help books or programs together with your assistance and support can be enough. Some porn addicts may require intense therapy, others may seek spiritual guidance. There are many options and choosing the best solution depends on the individual’s circumstances. You can learn more about how we are helping people with pornography addiction to overcome their addiction in a discrete, budget friendly online addiction program , including " target="_self" software for controlling and monitoring Internet activity .
