Many years ago I was a police officer. Part of my duties involved dealing with all manner of fatal accidents and incidents. Corpses are simple to handle because they are so to speak, out of it.
The demanding part is dealing with the people left behind. Each time, you are called upon to inform the next of kin or significant others, you can never be certain how they are liable to react to news of their loss.
Some situations stay in your memory more than others. I remember one very cold winter going to the home of a woman whose husband had died in a road incident on his way home from work. The highway was covered in black ice, and the motorbike had spun off the road throwing the middle aged rider into a tree. The man was killed instantly.
When I called at his home, it was still early evening; but the lights in the house were on and there was the delicious smell of an evening meal emanating from the kitchen extraction fan.
I called at the household next door and explained to the neighbour that I was about to deliver some bad news and would she be kind enough to make a cup of tea and be ready to come next door if required. I have found that people are very willing to help and in the main kind.
I then went to the home of the deceased motorcyclist, introduced myself, had her sit down and then imparted the news of her husband’s death. There was a protracted silence and she just whispered, "He hasn’t had his dinner."
She then sat stunned before gazing at me, her eyes filling with tears, saying, "And I haven’t told him I love him!"
She then wept.
Her neighbour came in with the tea and thirty minutes later I departed.
Many years after, I was attending a seminar on stress. The lecturer provided a lot of information as regards the subject, but she was very particular about one thing - the importance of telling the significant people in your life about your positive feelings towards them. I came to call this Keeping Up the I Love Yous.
It is essential because everyone needs to feel positive about him or herself. Knowing that you are treasured is important to our mental well being. It is a great antidote to ongoing stress. Many of us disregard or get out of the habit of telling significant others how much we love them.
It is very easy to say to the enquiry, "Do you love me?" - "I'm still here aren’t I?" in a light hearted way, completely missing the underlying uncertainty that the question actually indicates.
If you haven’t told the significant person in your life how much you love him or her, do it today. If you haven’t done it for years it can be very tricky. One fellow who tried to tell his wife was amazed when the following day she called out from the doorstep as he was leaving for work, "Well who is she?"
He hadn’t articulated his love verbally for so long, that she concluded he must be having an affair. When he explained that he had read the advice in a paperback, he found he was digging a hole for himself when she snorted, "You read it in a book!"
As it happened it worked out well because the pair now makes a point of telling each other that they love one another every day. They both have the peace of mind that comes with knowing that they are loved and it has been verbally expressed. And should one of them pass away, and no one knows the appointed day, they won’t be saying, "And I haven’t told him I love him (or her)!"
