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When marriages go through the rough patches, it can be hard to tell if it's just normal or if it's a signal of the imminent end. You might not have thought about it for awhile, and then suddenly woke to a marital mess. Or maybe you're suspicious, but aren't sure how to confirm it. Facing the fact it could be over, really over, is a painful realization. It might not be too late, though- take a look at the warning signs below: - Distance.There are tons of reasons why he has pulled into himself. He could be dealing with problems at work, financial or even personal issues. The best thing you can do is let him know you're available to listen and let him know you support him.
- Little or No Touch.It's a natural progression in long-term relationships for both of you to forget how important a cuddle can be. You're both in the relationship- try talking to him about it without nagging or blame, and also by giving him affection.
- Mood Swings.If he's suddenly snapping at you or criticizing you unfairly, there could be deeper problems here. He might be upset with you for something else and express it through petty squabbles. Ask him, listen to him and don't get defensive.
- Absence.He's spending all of his time at work, with friends or at the gym. This could be a huge warning sign- you need to be pro-active here, with planning things you can do together to get the spark back. Jealous reactions won't work.
- Apathy.Where he used to be hyper-critical, or you used to have some spats- he doesn't react. He agrees with everything you say, or pays little attention to the things that used to put him on edge. You'll need to sit down with him and talk it over.
- Last Date Was Last Year.The two of you haven't had anything even close to a romantic or bonding moment in months, which needs to be remedied. There should be a time set aside for you to get back to why you got together in the first place.
- You're Out of His Loop.It's normal for him to get contact from the outside world, obviously, but if he's suddenly being secretive about it, or has a new friend Bob you never meet, he might be considering playing around. Ask to meet Bob.
- Broken-Record Syndrome.If you're arguing about the same things, using the same phrases over and over again- it's another sign of a communication problem. You should be solving it, not repeating the old, tired tracks.
- Silence.Couples sometimes have nothing to talk about, or don't feel like it. But when it's an on-going thing, and he's using the T.V. as a distraction- you're growing apart. It's up to you to take the first communication steps, if you can.
- Intimacy.When it's him who's too tired, for weeks on end, it's a definite warning sign. It'll be up to you to re-ignite the spice in the bedroom, to get creative and woo him senseless for a change. He'll love you for it.
It doesn't mean that it's over, if you've noticed some warning signs in your marriage. It just means you'll have to work harder at it to get back to happiness. In most cases, it's easier- and more worth it- than the panic of giving up in frustration. You can save your marriage and yourself heartache by making the changes you both need. Together.
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