Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse lust forlove. Physical attraction alone will not withstand the test oftime in relationships. Physical attraction is an importantfactor but must never be the only factor you rely upon whenchoosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing lust andlove and end up broken-hearted when the relationship doesn'tlast.
Perhaps you're wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of thatperson dominate your mind a good portion of the day and night.Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you willbe together again. When you are together you can't keep yourhands off one another and when you're apart, you fantasize aboutthe next time you can see one another. True love and lust areeasily confused because they are so much alike.
As a rule of thumb, if you share few other interests and havenothing in common other than an overwhelming physical desire forone another...it may be lust. If you have nothing of real valueto say to one another and have difficulty relating to oneanother outside the sexual arena...it may be lust. If you don'tparticularly enjoy one another's company unless you're havingsex...it may be lust.
On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factorsother than physical attraction and sex is not necessarily thenumber one priority...it may be love. Most long-termrelationships are built on a strong friendship which turns intolove over time. Having sex is not the driving force behind therelationship, but is a nice sideline to it.
There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". Ithappens to many people and the relationship may last for therest of their lives. A budding relationship based on lust feelsmuch the same as one which is truly "love at first sight". Sohow do you tell the difference?
Ask yourself the following questions. Read each questioncarefully and really think about it before answering. Whenanswering, try to be as truthful as possible. If you canhonestly and sincerely answer "yes" to all or nearly all of thequestions, it may be safe to assume what you feel for the otherperson is actually love and not merely lust.
Keep in mind, these questions are quite general and are in noway a total and complete checklist.
1. Do you share similar ethics, values, and morals? 2. Do youfind it easy to talk to one another and can you talk freelyabout almost anything? 3. Do you enjoy the time you spend withone another, regardless of the activity? 4. Do you enjoy eventhe most mundane activities when you are together, simplybecause you ARE together? 5. Do you have a genuine concern forthe happiness, safety, and well-being of the other person? 6.Are you able to work out any differences you may have with thisperson to the satisfaction of both of you? 7. When disagreementsarise, are you able to discuss them openly and frankly withoutlosing your temper? 8. Do you find yourself longing for thisperson's presence in your life in terms other than a sexualrelationship? In other words, do you feel a need simply to bewith that person and spend time with them even without havingsex? 9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes,and generally have fun together? 10. Does spending time withthis person make you feel good about yourself? 11. Does thisperson give you a heightened sense of self-confidence andvitality? 12. Can you look at this person even when they are attheir worst in their physical appearance (such as when they aresick) and not feel repulsed? 13. Do you share a strong mutualrespect for one another? 14. Are you willing and able to shareboth good times and bad with this person and work through life'sups and downs together as a team?
There is a very fine line between lust and love because the twoof them are closely related. Being able to tell the differencecan save you from wasting your time pursuing an unhealthyrelationship which is doomed to eventual failure.
If your long-term goal is to seek out a partner with whom youcan build a solid, lifetime commitment, knowing the differencebetween lust and love is an essential and vital skill you'llwant to master. Learning to accept a relationship for what itreally is can mean the difference between a broken heart and ahappy, fulfilling, lifetime of bliss with your partner.
Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved
