Life After Divorce for Men

Judges tend to be more sympathetic with wives, especially mothers, and give importance to their plight while deciding the case. They take into account their financial situation and emotional troubles. In most divorce situations, women are assigned child custody by the court and the husband is directed to pay her alimony for their upkeep.

There are many reasons for this. Women and children have a very strong bond that is unmatched by any other relationship. The former are also considered more sensitive, tender and caring than men as far as interacting with the kids is concerned. Children also respond to mothers naturally and seek them for protection and comfort. Usually, men live separately from the family after divorce and are allowed to see children once a week or so through visitation rights.

Divorce is a different ballgame for men and they have to tackle different challenges. For them, the family split is a costly affair. They often have to move out of the house and seek new accommodation. Apart from this, the family assets are divided among partners and they have to pay a good chunk of their income as alimony to their ex-wife until the children are grown up or she remarries.

Women have one major advantage after divorce. They have full-time access to kids because of child custody. Due to this, mothers often give their own twist and interpretation to their divorce story and may fill the kids with bitterness or hatred for their fathers. This is almost like psychological warfare which weakens the already tenuous bond between dads and kids.

It is actually a myth that men have a thick skin compared to women and are hardly affected by the various ups and downs of their lives. The reality is that the former are as emotional as women. They have the same feelings as the fairer sex. It is only that men have been conditioned to not show their emotions in public.

This is because there are other people (wives, children, sisters, mothers, younger siblings) who look up to men for support and protection. If the latter show their tender side in public and become emotionally perturbed in front of everyone, the rest of people become insecure and panic.

This is the reason why men do not generally show their emotions publicly, and those who do are considered somewhat unmanly. But men who are sensitive by nature suffer as much as women do when the divorce takes place. For one, they do not get child custody and are forced to meet their kids occasionally, strictly at the frequency decided by the court.

It has often been observed that many men after divorce also suffer from health problems. If the divorce was filed by their spouse, they are totally unprepared for the emotional trauma inflicted on them for no fault of theirs. They feel betrayed and rejected and slip into chronic depression. Many are forced to seek professional treatment to come out of their condition.

For a child’s normal upbringing, it is essential that he or she get love and affection equally from both the parents. Mothers offer them emotional security and support and act as their confidante, while fathers teach them discipline and give them guidance in worldly matters.

Fathers are actually regarded as the main role model by children, especially the boys. It has been found in various studies that teenage children from divorced families not living with their fathers have more behavioural and psychological problems compared to those supervised by their dads.

It is a myth that single fathers cannot bring up children on their own, but single mothers can. Today, more and more dads are willing to accept child custody and bring up the kids on their own. But for this, they have to make some changes in their lifestyle and take some measures at home. If the kids are small, then they have to look for a crèche or hire a reliable baby sitter who can take care of the children in their absence.

Single fathers should keep one thing in mind. They can never replace mothers. It is just not possible. So it is better to be honest with the kids and try to be as good a father as they can. The children will understand the situation and accept the reality that their mother is no longer with them.