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When you have just settled your divorce, it is hard to imagine staying friends with your ex spouse. There are still so many issues on the table and so many important things to fight over. Your world may feel like falling apart, and friendship with your ex spouse is the last thing on your mind. Keep the following considerations in mind and maybe you can open up your heart and work out a comfortable friendship with your ex spouse.
The first thing you should do is maintain a sense of dignity and respect during negotiations with your spouse. Stay calm and keep emotions out of the discussions. It is hard as both are hurt over the past marital problems and unsolved issues. If you can't continue discussing, choose to stop, and continue later when you feel more comfortable. Time will heal all hurt. If you cannot deal with your ex face to face, a lawyer or mediator will come in handy.
Once divorced, you have to compromise, even if you do not like it. By compromising, you can work out how the assets will be divided, child custody, and who gets what decisions. It is important to be understanding that sometimes something is more important to your spouse than to you, for example family heirloom passed down from generations. Being considerate and willing to compromise will naturally make your spouse doing the same for you.
Being divorced means living separately. You have no rights to comment how and who your ex should start living from now on. New interests, hobbies and new partners are off limits to you. What it simply means, is you and your ex should be moving on, meeting new people and dating new people without judgments from one another. Being overly friendly and knowing too much will have the same negative impacts as well. So, maintain some space and know your boundaries.
The last but not the least, stop bickering or complaining to your friends and relatives on how bad you were treated by your ex. I am sure they have heard enough. Since the marriage is over and the divorced settled, I think there is no reason to speak negatively of your ex. Concerned friends might ask why you are divorcing and prying questions that you want to avoid. Simply be nice and smile and move the topic to something else to reduce risk of offending anyone. Short and general answers like 'we grew apart' are best used to help to keep the questions at bay. You do not have to avoid functions that both you and your ex are both invited. Present yourself as confident and happy, and remember you do not have to answer a question just because it is asked, especially if it is personal.
Divorce is common nowadays. People are more acceptable and forgiving than ever before. The most important point is to move on and start living a new life. Put the hurt and past behind and maintain in good terms with your ex spouse for the sake of common friends and children, if any.
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