It takes a special person to endure the life of an Army spouse. This life-style is definitely more challenging than the life of a ‘normal' dependent. We have to endure more challenges and hardships than most people could ever imagine.
When my husband first proposed to me, he told me that our life in the military would not be easy. He explained all about the field exercises he would have to go on and possible deployments to fight wars. That did not seem too bad because like most non-military people, I had no clue or even a glimpse of an idea.
Now, 21 years later, I see things a bit different. Field exercises usually only last from one to six weeks and most of the time they are bearable. It is a short time, you know where your partner is, he is safe, communication is usually not a problem, and you know that he is coming home and when. Most wives complain when their husbands have to go on a business trip that lasts a few days or even maybe a week. A friend admitted to me one time that she feels guilty when she complains to me about her husband having to go away for a few days. He is employed in the corporate world and only has to leave his family once or twice a year. A soldier is away from his wife and children for extended periods, several times of the year.
Deployments to war zones are a different story. On those deployments you can only guess where exactly your husband is, communication is a problem most of the time, nobody can tell you when your spouse will return, and then there is the biggest fear that he will get injured or worse. There is also a big difference if you have children or not.
When my husband was deployed to the Middle East for ‘Operation Desert Storm', we had no kids. I worked outside the house all day and after work, a friend and I went out to dinner and a movie at her house. Rarely did I make it home before midnight. It is hard and very depressing to come to an empty house. Those times, when I was home alone, my thoughts drifted even more to the Far East and to my husband. The few phone calls he was able to make, were one of the most precious gifts I have ever received. The mail was so very slow and it took forever to get letters from here to him and back. Fortunately, he was only gone for 4 months. However, it seemed a lot longer. During this deployment, I only had to worry about my man and myself.
The past deployments to Iraq, were completely different experiences. We now have children. They were nine and six when their dad had to go and fight the war in Iraq in 2003. Going through this with children is so much different in so many ways. I cannot say if it is harder or easier. It would be like comparing apples and oranges. There is no comparison. So many times, having them made things so much easier. I did not have to cry alone or be afraid for my husband alone. Often, they were the ones who gave me the strength I needed to make it yet another day. On the other side, having kids made things harder. They were worried about their dad in so many different ways. It was hard to stay strong, and not show them how scared I was a lot of the time. I had to hold up the home front and keep things going as normal as possible. I had to be a mom and a dad; be strong for the boys and for my soldier. It was important for him to know that we were doing well, so he could concentrate on his missions in the sand and therefore have a better chance of coming home alive.
On his last deployment to Iraq, my husband was injured. Dealing with those emotions and fears added yet another level to our deployment stress. Fortunately, his wounds were not life threatening and he was able to make a full recovery. However, when he was able to make the official notification phone call, the harsh reality of the situation did not register. Partly due to the fact that he sounded great and was making jokes about the whole situation. Reality really did not strike until a few days later, when we sent out the official notification of the incident to the rest of our battalion. Seeing his name in black and white on the list with the other soldiers who were wounded, was extremely difficult to deal with. The boys were older and it was a little easier to break the news to them that their Dad had been hurt because they had a much better understanding of the whole situation. Still, it was extremely difficult...
Also, with technology advancing at the speed of light, communication with our deployed soldiers is much easier. When I receive an e-mail, or I'm able to chat with him online, I know that at least at this moment in time, my soldier is safe, alive, and well...
Not everybody can endure the amount of stress these situations bring. It takes a strong and special person to deal with this life-style and the challenges of being an Army spouse during our nation's global war on terror. Military spouses are certainly a special breed of people. Although we don't know each other, we have a connection and an understanding that bonds us together...
