Body Dissatisfaction In today’s world, body acceptance is no easy feat. Body dissatisfaction is so common that it is now considered normal. The promise of fulfillment through reaching the ideal body is one of the biggest lies of our day, yet believed by so many of us. Driven to cut, inject, pound, slather and diet our way to perfection, the pursuit of the perfect body promises to bring us everything from success and happiness to love. Intuitively, we know that our self-esteem is somehow related to feeling good about our bodies. When we struggle in this area, it is hard to fully engage in the meaningful things of life and develop healthy relationships with others.
Magazines keep us knowledgeable about the latest dieting fads, and then tempt us with exotic cuisine that even the strongest cannot resist. Plastic surgeons suggest we take action against those specific body parts we do not like. It is as easy as nip and tuck. Models keep getting thinner despite our ever-growing concern about eating disorders. Women still go on dates and salivate over the steak her date is eating while trying to enjoy the light salad they ordered. In fact, studies actually show that men find women who eat small meals on dates more attractive and more feminine.1 It is crazy! Even our mood, marital status, being pregnant or what we ate for dinner can impact how we feel about our bodies. Desperate housewives move over! We are willing to try anything—medications, hypnosis, fad diets, surgery, injections— whatever it takes to even approximate the fashion model look. Our desperation gives new meaning to the term altered states!
Body Narcissism: Growing Dissatisfaction Over the past three decades, body image dissatisfaction grew in leaps and bounds. Women are clearly the leaders when it comes to body dissatisfaction. Up to eight out of ten women struggle.2 When you talk to men and women, more than half of both genders would choose a different body. And apparently, they do not want to wait until heaven to get it! It seems that men and African- American and Asian women generally feel more positive about their bodies than Caucasian women.3 The truth is that none of us is immune to body dissatisfaction if we are unable to separate ourselves from the beauty standards of the larger culture. A new kind of self-consciousness has developed, one that focuses on vanity and plays to our insecurities while allowing others to judge and define who we are. Culturally preoccupied with body narcissism, we have drifted from once valuing skills, experience, character and moral values to a culture that now values image projected by fashion, celebrity, materialism and the outward appearance of beauty.
One has to simply watch nightly media entertainment to see celebrities admired for their buying power and fashion rather than held accountable for their insolent or indulgent behavior. Self-respect has been replaced with self-absorption. And the culture of words has been replaced by image. Image is everything. Pictured on billboards, magazines, television, movies, Internet, video phones, cameras and IPODs, image is not only everything, but also everywhere. And what we see impacts how we think and feel about our bodies. And the impact is not usually positive. Consequently, most of us have inaccurate views of our bodies and overestimate our size. By the age of ten, 81% of girls are afraid of being fat.4 We are continuously exposed to images of what we are supposed to look like. Because of this, we tend to think that everyone should be beautiful, well manicured and thin. Our standards of beauty can become incredibly narrow. And while less than 5% of us can actually achieve this supermodel look, this does not stop us from trying.5 One reason for this is that we have allowed our bodies to become commodities where parts are separated from the whole and ordered for repair or regular tune-ups.
If we dislike a part, we can simply reconstruct a new one. We are told that self-improvement is always possible; leaving us in a state of exhaustion and chronic anxiety that turns our minds and attention to myriad commercial solutions. With our constant attention drawn to how to fix, correct and improve our bodies, we lose sight of a more basic question: Are our bodies broken or in need of fixing and constant improvement? The narcissistic preoccupation we have with looking beautiful is a sign of something more troubling. It signals a loss of spiritual mooring in terms of who we are and what is important. We have lost sight of where we find our true beauty and have given that power to those who have no right to define or determine our worth. For example, we allow fashion magazines to tell us how to look and what size we should be. Or we believe the teasing, criticism or rejection experienced from others and project those anxieties onto the screens of our bodies rather than confront the unattainable or negativity.
And body preoccupation serves a purpose or we would not cling to it so strongly. There is method in this madness. It prevents us from experiencing other types of pain and emptiness and gives us a false sense of control. It is easier, for example, to redo a hairstyle five times than resolve a conflict with our mother. We can spend time shopping for shoes but find it difficult to spend time relaxing with our children. The art of make-up can be mastered far before we master stress. And the trauma of rape can be hidden by allowing the body to balloon to a size of perceived protection. Sitting in a women’s Bible study one morning, I was reminded of how powerful our early experiences are when it comes to forming our body image. The topic of conversation turned to teasing. So many women in this small group were able to recall painful memories of childhood teasing related to their bodies.
One woman, who had a beautiful upturned nose, hated fifth grade because her classmates regularly made fun of her nose. Another remembered the pain of being overweight and teased as if it was yesterday. She still saw herself as that overweight child who wanted to hide from the world. During our conversation, my own crazy body image thoughts resurfaced in my mind. I was not surprised by the discussion of these early hurts and rejections. We all seem to have a story or two. But I was surprised by the current power of them. It was as if each woman reverted to the age of the hurt and relived the moment. I thought, shouldn’t our faith make a difference here? What is missing that we cannot seem to get over these perceived imperfections? And why have we allowed such narrow definitions of beauty to define us? _Integrating Our Spiritual and Physical Lives_I have been guilty of this compartmentalizing myself. I have disconnected my spiritual being from the other parts of myself. When I do this, my thinking becomes distorted and my emotions confused. I revert to my natural state and distortion is part of that natural state.
The result is a loss of wholeness. We have only one body to work with while here on Earth. We can dislike it and obsess on it, or use that time and energy to develop other parts of ourselves and bring wholeness back to our lives. We can blame our dads, fault our mothers, point to that insensitive school mate or complain about The Bachelor for our insecurities. Basically, we can remain victim to the lies we believe—our own distorted messages or those messages of others. Or we can rethink our reactions and confront the distortions and lies. We can choose to stop filling the cultural prescriptions. Feminists say that the hatred of the body stems from the oppression and manipulation of women by the larger culture. This may be true but it is not the full picture. Our spiritual history is part of the root problem and is often overlooked or ridiculed by those who refuse to acknowledge the truth of creation.
While there is no body image gene to inherit, there is a spiritual heritage that must be traced if we ever want to come to terms with our bodies. Adam and Eve, the first people, were created free from body image distortions. Unfortunately, their actions impacted the human race and play a role in our struggles today. Only God could come to our rescue and make freedom possible again. He did just that and still does today. When sin entered the picture, Adam and Eve needed a new covering that would calm anxiety and deal with their newfound insecurities. God’s provision to correct our fallen state began. Our designer is capable of covering our distorted perceptions with truth. He does not condemn us or our bodies.
He offers grace and love. Spiritual Transformation: God’s Truth About Ourselves Dealing with our perceptions requires a reality beyond ourselves and others. Will we listen to our own thoughts or the thoughts of others and act accordingly, or will we listen to God and believe what he says? The path we choose determines our body acceptance. First, we must acknowledge our nakedness before God. Then we must decide who will be allowed to cover us? Will it be our own efforts, spoken words from family members, cultural images— all of which can keep us hiding with feelings of shame and insecurity? Or will we let God’s truth speak to us and listen? Personally, I do not want to cover myself with fig leaves any longer. I do not sew—making my own efforts futile. Even so, I have tried to make my own coverings and this has not worked. I still felt naked. It was only when I allowed God to clothe me in his righteousness and truth that I could stand naked before him and experience no shame. It is time to hand over the fig leaves and let God sew us garments of protection from the deceiving voices in our heads. I am convinced that there will always be a longing to break out of the boundaries of our physical bodies.
That longing is deep within us and prompts us to want something more. However, that longing will not be met through cosmetic surgery, beauty creams or other commercial avenues. We have been duped into thinking this longing is anything but spiritual. We are tied to this Earth through these jars of clay but sense there is more to come—a transformation that will leave us free of the confinement, restrictions, and perceived and real flaws of our bodies. There is an eternal longing placed within this corruptible body that waits for fulfillment. Until that day, it is possible to engage in a spiritual transformation that will free our minds and souls. For now, our bodies are our homes, our spiritual temples and we need to cherish and respect them. Let us care for them, keep them as healthy as we can but lose the preoccupation and distraction they can provide from what is really important. Instead of spending time painstakingly applying make-up, let us use our time for more constructive purposes. Correcting a negative or distorted body image is one of the most important things we can do because it influences our behavior, our self-esteem, our relationships and our spiritual lives. Satisfaction comes when body, soul and spirit are reunited—when we stop trying to parcel out each body part to the status of a foreign object in need of repair—when we stop disconnecting the part from the whole of who we are. In order to do so, we must correct our perceptions and change our attitudes. Online therapy can be helpful to get rid of such problems.
We have a spiritual heritage that brings truth to our body, soul and spirit. It is our choice to stand alone, naked and ashamed or with God’s help, move into body acceptance and learn to make peace with our thighs. _Adapted from Dr. Mintle’s new book, Making Peace with Your Thighs (Integrity) due for release in May 2006. Linda Mintle, Ph.D., specializes in eating disorders and the treatment of food and weight problems. She is the resident expert for ABC Family’s “Living the Life” television show.
