“ Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. ”Natalie Goldberg
Stress is all around us. Everywhere we go people seem to be talking about stress, the news is full of stress and how it affects our health, and I know in my own life I have to constantly monitor my stress level.
Managing stress and maintaining life balance are tough things to do. Just when I think I have it under control, my life slips out of whack or something comes along that dumps my life upside down. Then I let stress get out of control, I take my eyes off what’s most important and, before I know it, I am out of balance once again.
I do many seminars on stress-management and life balance. The funny thing is that every time I am booked to do one of these programs my own stress level grows and life gets out of balance. This used to frustrate me but now I sit back and laugh. It’s funny because every time this happens I once again get to learn the lessons that I teach. It definitely keeps me on my toes and keeps me from being complacent. There is an old saying that says, “A teacher teaches because he/she needs to learn what he/she is teaching.” This is definitely true in my life as a speaker. This is both a joy and a frustration as I get to continually learn and practice what I teach. And continual learning keeps me humble.
I know I will never conquer stress or have life balance completely figured out and neither will you. We live in a world where things happen that are out of our control, people do things that we don’t like, and we get things thrown at us that we did not ask for. Life has a way of keeping us humble and continually challenging us to grow.
Yet even though we will not be able to remove all stress from our lives or be in complete balance all the time, we do have a choice. We get to choose how we respond to stress and the effects it has on our lives. We get to choose what we focus on, what we participate in and how we live out our daily routines.
Focus
What we focus on becomes reality. If we constantly focus on being too busy or feeling stressed, we’ll make it bigger and allow it to drive our lives. Stress is not something we have to give in to. Life will be stressful but how we handle it and what we focus on does not have to be stress-producing. Focusing on stress increases its effects in our lives. By actively focusing on being productive and taking care of our inner selves, we can eliminate or reduce the effects of stress.
Years ago I read Richard Carlson’s bookDon’t Sweat the Small Stuffand it changed the way I felt about focusing on stress and “busyness.” In the book he challenged the reader to stop saying they were “busy” or “stressed out” for a day or a week, depending on how long you could do it. I tried the technique and the results were amazing. Not only did I realize how often I responded to “How are you?” with “I’m so busy,” I also began to notice how often others responded the same way. After a week or two, it became unbearable. I could not believe how often people talked about and focused on their stress and busyness – it stressed me out just listening.
Participation
When we listen to others talk about their stress and commiserate with them, we begin to participate in their stress and eventually move back to our own. The principle of participation is one we have used in parenting. We have always told our kids that what they watch, listen to and participate in will become part of who they are. This has not always gone over well because they do not get to watch or listen to things their friends do. But not long ago our daughter watched a movie she knew she shouldn’t have. After a few nights of nightmares, she came to us and told us we were right about the principle of participation. She had learned that what you watch does become a part of you – a valuable lesson at 11 years old.
All that we see, hear, read and participate in with regard to stress will become a part of us, too. If we spend time commiserating with colleagues or friends about their stress it will affect us. If we spend time watching or reading stressful things in the news day in and day out, it will affect our stress level. And if we participate in our own stress by making it bigger, talking about it and listening to it run through our minds, it will control us.
We have a choice. We can choose to stop participating in things that are stressful in order to stop producing stress in ourselves.
Daily Routines
One of the ways to choose to stop stress or decrease its level is to create routines that keep us free from the cycle of focusing on and participating in stressful activities and relationships. Some of the things I have created as daily routines for taking care of myself and minimizing the effects of stress are as follows: turn off or limit TV, read positive/inspirational books daily, exercise, take time for myself each day, play and have family dinners.
When you look at your life and your current stress level, I challenge you to ask yourself:
- What am I focusing on?
- What am I participating in?
- How can I create daily routines to renovate the stress in my life?
Below I have listed some concrete ways to begin lowering the stress in your life. Happy renovating!
7 Keys for Reducing Stress and Maintaining Balance
1.Take time for yourself daily.Get in the routine of setting aside 10 to 20 minutes a day just for you. This could be time to exercise, read, write in a journal or just sit.
2.Plan Ahead.If we do not plan, we plan to have chaos and confusion. Make sure you take time to plan your week before it begins to happen. Don’t forget to include family member’s events in the planning. Having a good calendar, a personal digital assistant (such as a Palm Pilot) or planner helps with organization.
3.Say “No.”Give yourself permission to say no to the things you need to each week. Remember that saying “no” to something means saying “yes” to something else. Decide what you really want or need to do each week and then say “no” to the rest.
4.Stop saying “I’m so busy!”You will be amazed at how much less stress you feel when you stop focusing on it and verbalizing it all the time. Instead of “I’m so busy,” try “I’m productive” or “I’m excellent” or “I love life.”
5.Have a mini vacation each week.Plan a two-hour block of time each week to have fun and take time for yourself and your relationships.
6.Create an absolute “yes” list.These are things you say “yes” to no matter what. Things on this list are work commitments, family, church, etc.
7.Give yourself permission to be out of balance sometimes.I balance my life in chunks. When I am busy, I am usually very busy. But when it ends, I schedule a few days of down time to rejuvenate.
