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If you are considering marrying someone or have recently gotten married, you may at times wonder whether you are really right for each other. After all, human relationships are complex, and being a match with someone can still involve problems now and then. So, how do you really know whether you are compatible?
Here is a marital compatibility test. Ask yourself these 7 questions and consider each carefully:
1. When you have been away for more than a few days, does returning to him or her feel like you are "coming home?"
One insightful way to know whether you and your partner are marriage material is to gauge how it feels when you are physically apart and then come together again. When you are away from them for more than a few days, do you miss them greatly? More importantly, after having been apart does coming back together feel as if you are "coming home"? This is the feeling that many happily-married couples report when they are in this situation; count yourself lucky if you are among them.
2. Can you count this person among your 3 best friends?
Quick: list your 3 best friends out loud. Does your list include your mate? Many people do not naturally include the person they are dating (or married to) on a list of their best friends; somehow, it is common to want to separate mates into a different category of relationship. At the end of the day, however, for people in a successful marriage there is often no better friend than their spouse. Ask yourself whether you count this person on your list of best friends.
3. Do you share the same basic set of values and beliefs with each other?
It just takes reading the daily newspaper headlines to see that the world is made up of people from myriad walks of life, all with slightly different views and beliefs. While it is important to live and let live when it comes to the beliefs of others, when it comes to marriage it is very important that you share similar views about the major questions of life. The more your political views, religious/spiritual beliefs, and values about how to live your life are in alignment with those of your mate, this is one fewer thing that could get in the way of a happy marriage down the road.
4. Do you recognize the 70% rule?
Wise married couples know - or come to realize over time - that about most (some say about 70%) of each other's habits, behaviors and ways of being are never going to change no matter how much time goes by. In other words: in many ways, it is hopeless to try to change someone. So, be sure not to get married with someone if you are expecting them to change for you after marriage. Most of the ways they act now (including the little things they might do to annoy you) will never change. The more you can accept this person for who they are now, the better your chances of a happy marriage.
6. Is "compromise" at work in your relationship?
Even if you are not married to this person yet, you hopefully have already started a pattern of mutual compromise with each other on a regular basis. In other words, both of you need to get into the habit of allowing the other person to get their way quite often. If you are already able to do this, you have accomplished what many married couples never quite do.
7. Do you truly respect each other?
In addition to physical attraction, mutual respect is an essential part of a good marriage. Some couples are attracted to each other physically, but at some level they do not 100% respect the other person. Make sure that this ingredient of mutual respect is part of the recipe of your marriage. If it is not, you should reconsider the idea of marriage.
If you answered "yes" to at least 5 of these questions, you are likely a very compatible couple prospects for a happy life together. Now, it is up to you to do whatever you can to educate yourself about how to maximize your chances for a happy marriage.
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