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See, most of the time, marriage counseling turns in to nothing more than a weekly blame session.  The husband will say everything that the wife did wrong and the wife will return the favor.  Needless to say, this leads to just more of the same arguing that you are trying to get away from.

The counselors want you to expose the wrongs and the rights in each session but they often overlook the fact that it's human nature to remember the bad and forget the good.  Because of this, the husband or wife can talk about the good things for 50 minutes of the hour session, but the 10 minutes of bad things are whats going to be remembered and thought about.  It will leave you thinking 'does she really think that way about me' or 'am I really that bad' and those are the thoughts that lead to fighting.

The key to counseling is to realize that your partner is talking about the bad things because he or she cares and wants things to work.  For the most part, your partner wouldn't agree to counseling if he or she didn't truly want things to work.  Also, you and your partner should talk about what is going to be said before the session.  My wife and I used to swap a list about 2 hours before we went to counseling.  I would write down the good and the bad and so would she.  We would also add a little joke or something to make each other smile at the end of the list.  This lightens the mood and makes things easier.

Try to talk to your partner during the ride to the session.  Tell your partner that no matter what is said or exposed, you are in this together and doing it to save the marriage and be happy.  You can't fix anything if you don't know what's broken.  The problem is, when it comes to marriage counseling, when people are told what needs fixing, they take it personally and take offense.

The key is to never give up on your marriage or your partner. My wife and I almost didn't make it. She left me, was unfaithful, stole things from me, and was just a plain nightmare. That was 6 years ago. No one would have ever thought (including us) that we would be together today. Now we are a happily married couple with two beautiful children and things couldn't be better.


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