Are you in a relationship that is stagnant - a relationship that is not going anywhere? Maybe the relationship is in a rut and you are feeling the pangs of disappointment.
Life is full of ups and downs and two people should grow together, through these experiences. Some don't! Some grow further apart. If you find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere, it's time to evaluate. If you don't make changes, nothing changes. Soon you will be thinking about leaving, instead of mending what is broken. Before thinking of leaving, evaluate the relationship and find ways to get out of the rut.
Many relationships are repairable, but too often people are hasty and want to escape instead of figuring out what the problems are and focusing on solutions.
A relationship is shared by two people who are individuals. A healthy and nurturing relationship is about growing together within that relationship. It isn't about just breathing the same air, but a true partnership. The two people in a relationship also need to grow as individuals.
Start by asking yourself...what do you want from your relationship? What are the core issues that caused the relationship to be in a rut and stagnant? Are the issues your issues, your partner's issues or issues related to the dynamics between you and your partner?
You have to identify the problem in order to find the solution. It's possible your partner may not be willing to work on solutions. That is a problem in itself. Your partner may not even feel there is a problem and is comfortable with things the way they are. The problems may lie within you and not the relationship itself.
Often people feel disappointed when their partner isn't sharing the same interests with them anymore. They once used to go out and do things all the time. In my opinion, the feelings and issues go deeper. I don't believe it's about activities, but resentment, repressed emotions, feeling taken for granted and a breakdown in communication. The issues start slowly. Your partner may be tired one day and not up to going out with you. You take it personally. You may find a way to get back at them, totally misinterpreting why they didn't go out with you. One simple thing can lead to a snowball effect until you and your partner are in a vicious cycle of resentment and discord.
You ignore the little issues because they don't seem important enough to address because they are infrequent. After a while, they accumulate until you see a much bigger picture. The gap between you grows wider and wider - until you are in a stagnant and disappointing relationship rut. The communication becomes almost nonexistent.
How do you get out of a relationship rut?
When you feel unhappy in any circumstance, the first place to look is inward and then outward. Dig deep to find out if your unhappiness lies within yourself or if it truly is about the dynamics in your relationship. It's possible your expectations of your partner may be too high. Look at your behavior in the relationship. Are you constantly complaining or nagging? Do you fail to communicate effectively? Does any part of your behavior push your partner away? Or...does your behavior suggest that which should draw a partner closer, but it isn't working?
If you are happy in general and feel you are growing as an individual and your expectations of your partner are reasonable, then it's time to look directly at the relationship.
Keep in mind...a relationship doesn't grow on it's own. If you feel your relationship is stagnant and in a rut, it's up to you to speak out and let your partner know how you feel. Don't attack. Speak calmly about what issues are bothering you. There may be simple issues that just bug you or issues much more severe. Whatever the issues are, they are making you feel you're in a rut and need to be dealt with.
Be sure to let your partner know how much they mean to you. Be direct about what's bothering you. If you feel taken for granted, say so and give details about what has made you feel that way. Again, without attacking. Remember...you're trying to mend the relationship, not make it worse. Your partner may not even realize what they have done. Your partner may have issues of their own that don't even have to do with your or your relationship. Offer to listen to what they have been experiencing and feeling.
If you feel you aren't being given enough attention, let your partner know what you need. If your partner has offended or belittled you, let that be known and explain how their words make you feel. Once you explain, they should be willing to clean up their act and work toward the betterment of the relationship. If not, you may have your answer to where this relationship is going.
If you want to do more things together, come up with ideas and present them to your partner. Also, ask what they would like to do. Delve into your common interests and see how you can work them out to suit both of you. There are many activities and hobbies a couple can share and help their relationship thrive.
In order for a relationship to thrive you have to nurture it. The relationship, nor your partner can be taken for granted. Each has to behave in a way that draws you closer to the other. It isn't about who is right, but about what it takes between the two of you to make the relationship right.
Recap:
* define what the issues are
* look inward to understand your own issues
* be honest and open with your partner about what is bothering you
* don't attack the one you love. Be mindful with your words.
* be willing to do your part and mend what is broken
* behave in a way that draws your partner closer
* respect your partner's feelings as well as your own
* don't take each other for granted
* be careful not to allow the relationship to continuously get in a rut
One of the best ways of getting back what you need is setting an example for your partner, by your own behavior, toward them. Treat them with the kindness, respect, love, support, understanding and encouragement that you wish to be treated.
