One Meaning of Rain
Long, dark, cloudy, rainy days can be very uncomfortable for those who enjoy sunshine; however, they can be a blessing for those who recognize it as a medication for an unexplainable illness.
Depending on the way one chooses to see it, rain can be uncomfortable, but also can be very soothing for he who uses it for a medication. In reality, the rain is not a curse; on the other hand it can be a blessing. Rain brings forth growth and healing in many ways. Flowers need rain to grow and it is gladly accepted by a beautiful stem that eventually grows into a loving, heartwarming, colorful rose. Some flowers can never develop into a beautiful bloom because of problems that occur during their growth cycle. We face many storms of live that are hard for us to overcome, but the flower accepts the storm because it knows that it will grow from the water that has fallen upon it.
It came to me as a surprise the day I began to feel a wave after wave of fear as my stomach felt as if it were going to drop and give out on me. I began to hear my hear pound so loudly that I thought it would burst out of my chest. I became so afraid that I was out of breath and I asked, “What is happening to me?” I was afraid of dying suddenly, having a heart attack and I would never see my family, friends again. I felt as if I were going crazy, and thought I would smother to death. My feet felt rubbery, my hands became clammy, and began to tingle. My left arm felt numb and lifeless. I wanted to run, and cry, but was so ashamed of the unexplainable fear and never wanted anyone to know what was happening to me. Not even I knew what was happening. I acted normal to the surrounding people. My hands were sweaty. I felt as if I were having a stroke that would make me disabled for life. I barely could walk for being so dizzy, which caused me to think that I was going to pass out in any second. These feelings lasted only for several long minutes, which seemed more than that. It was one of the most distressing conditions that I had ever experienced. After the feelings subsided, I began to be burdened with lots of worry, humiliation, fear of it occurring again, that I became depressive. This was a mystery and secret for me.
Sadly, I never sought help for these episodes and I experienced them for years without telling anyone. I became very ill with this unexplainable sickness. I bounced around from doctor to doctor with the same symptoms given to each. I expressed complaints of being dizzy, sick to my stomach, sweating during the nights, chest pains, fatigue, no energy, and other dreadful symptoms. Doctors gave a reply, “I do not see anything wrong, but you can come back in a week, if you are not feeling better and we will do further testing.” I heard this so many times and held my cry inside.
Weeks later, I did not want to leave my home, being afraid of people, big crowds, and afraid of having a heart attack while driving. I had bizarre thoughts of dying suddenly and no one finding me.
Weeks passed and became very ill with this sickness. I became dehydrated and a friend had to drive me to the hospital. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with anxiety attacks. I had never heard of such illness. I was in my own little world and was unable to think of anything but death.
Clinical research provided me with a solid blueprint of methods that helped me overcome anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia, which is a disorder that leads to fear of everything from long term panic attacks. I was treated with two different medications that allowed me to start the process of recovery. I kept a journal and wrote down my thoughts each day. I sometimes would panic, while writing my thoughts.
A panic attack is a horrible and terrifying experience, but is not in any sense dangerous. For example, the physician informed me, all mammals have an instinctual response to either fight or flee. During a panic attack, I felt the same way. The strong desire of adrenaline was accompanied by strong feelings of anxiety and panic and I felt the strong desire to either flee or escape the situation or circumstance immediately. What is happening to a body when a strong urge of panic is being brought on?
The flow of adrenaline and resulting extra blood flow increases your strength and awareness of the danger. This extra “awareness” of the perceived danger may cause all sorts of feelings, such as dizziness, nausea, hyperventilation, heart palpitations, confusion, and lack of control, unreality, being dazed, shaking, trembling, and sweaty palms.(The Anxiety Network International)
Each person has a healing path or a special technique that helps them cope with the problem. The healing path can be very creative and such a great experience of joy and love we find in ourselves that we never knew we had. First, one needs the attitude of allowing a person to recognize that one has an illness, not any different from diabetes or high blood pressure. A lot of illnesses are treated the same way with precautions or medications. Secondly, inner safe meditation is a healing form, which allows one’s body to realize what is actually going on inside the mind. Third, listen to stories of healing and personal stories from others that allow recovery. Fourth, never be ashamed to take medication for a panic disorder. There must be a reason for the medication and we need to understand that this is not the only illness that needs medication. The synopsis of panic disorder is as follows.
People with panic disorder experience a horrible anxiety attack accompanied by many physical symptoms that are originally interpreted as a physical, medical problem. Socially-anxious people experience horrible anxiety in social situations that lead them to stay away from other people because of the anxiety that it causes. They see anxiety as a “fear” and do not believe it is caused by a physical, medical condition.
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No one knows what it is like to go through such a terrifying experience unless he has gone through it himself. And, of course it becomes even harder because for a lot of us, there is no one to share the pain and fear who will truly understand. It is a hard thing to deal with alone.
Looking back at some of my fears, I remember the rain being the most soothing medication for me. Waking up on a rainy morning, with fog filling the sky, vehicles passing with their windshield wipers moving backward and forth, I found to be one of the best feelings during the time of despair. I can remember thinking,” Everyone must be feeling bad today, because of this rain, so I am not the only one.” It was a soothing feeling, very easy to describe. It was the rain that helped me through some of the tough times that I had dealt with. Rain made everything grow around me. I was growing just like the colorful velvety flowers outside my window. Everything was being replenished. I needed watered and also desired to nurture out the feeling that I was experiencing. The rain helped me through this terrible nightmare.
Rain motivated my growth, as I sink into my chair, the water sinks into the ground. I was soothed and energized by the rain and found it to be my blessing. Rain helped me with my growth and healing. Some people may never overcome their problems, but the rain helped overcome mine. There is a day for sunshine and there is a day for rain.
©copyright by Jennifer L Jackson
