Children and Working Parents
Working outside the home full time and parenting a child both constitute full time activity and work. Each activity is full of responsibility, a never-ending series of things to be done, and a growing list of frustrations. With the combination, trying to juggle both can become a nightmare. But it doesn't have to be that way. Working and parenting can be both rewarding and fulfilling, but there will always be times when you ask yourself if you're leaving something important undone. Though it is not found necessary to have both parents work but to have good future for our children we tend to work and usually an obsession to be career oriented also makes us work as well as manage parenting. Though there are a number of other reasons the parents also choose to work for.
It is very important to address some issues before they become issues, or the shift between worker and parent can become a nightmare. Once the gap has opened to that point, building a bridge to connect parents to their children can become an impossible dream.
So, what are the parents supposed to do? There are many ways in which working parents can address their children's needs, while attending to needs of their own, as well as managing their home. But it all works around one key element: communication. It is absolutely necessary for parents to build a model of communication between them and their children. Here are some tips for building that bridge of communication before the gap appears between you and your child:
- Don't give up. No matter how difficult life may be, or how trying the various stages of your child's development, realize that you can and will survive.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. If the load gets too heavy, know when and of whom, to ask for help. Maybe you need some time out, for yourself and your spouse. Believe it or not, taking a little time away from the children may be the best possible thing to do, for all of you.
- Set aside quality time to spend with each child, individually. This doesn't mean that you have to spend a fortune, or take each child, one at a time. But it does mean finding some solid time when you can truly be with your child, away from the other parts of your life, when you can play together, or talk together. Go to the park, play ball, have a picnic, go for a walk or bike ride. Just let your child know that he or she holds a valued place in your life, worthy of special and separate time in your otherwise busy life.
- Take time to really listen to your child. Whether during that special time apart, or during everyday life, make a point of really hearing what your child has to say every single day. This doesn't mean simply asking, "How was your day," as you journey from the front door to the living room. This means finding at least a few minutes to let your child share his or her day with you. It also means really hearing your child, more than just the words, but in what may lie behind the words. Listen just as carefully to what your child may not be saying.
- Know what's going on in your child's life, who is the people they hang around, the activities they engage in. Know what life is like for your child. By knowing your children better, you will also have a much better understanding of when something may be seriously wrong with your child, when the child may be unable or unwilling to open up and talk about it with you.
- Learn the warning signs of behavior and activity that might indicate that a serious problem might be taking place. Talk openly with your child about certain issues. Let them know how you feel about them, but also build a relationship of trust, so that your child will feel more able to come to you if any of the issues becomes a problem.
- Know what your child is getting into online. If you have a computer at home, and/or if your child has access to a computer at school or at the library, know what the child is doing. There are ways for you to check up on your child. Explore your computer so that you will know the methods for seeing what your child is viewing. Use your computer's history or cache files to see what pages have been viewed. While I don't advocate spying or unduly snooping on your child. Know your child, and know his or her computer life.
- Know how your child is really doing at school. Do more than casually glancing over a report card, praising the good grades and cracking down on the poor ones. Take time to look over tests, reports or other school paperwork. Make time to visit the school and get to know teachers. Talk openly about how your child may or may not be doing. See if there is more that you can do, as a parent at home, to help your child succeed at school.
- Don't be afraid to set rules and use discipline at home. Discuss your expectations with your child, and let them know what punishments are in store for disregard for household rules. You can afford to be flexible - and you should be, in some cases - but children also need to know, with assurance, where their boundaries are.
- Teach your child the value of a good work effort. Assign duties and chores at home. Let your child learn the necessity of work around the home. Also, let them work for the things they want. Let them learn for themselves what is expected in hard work in this life, and what rewards will be theirs for their efforts.
Accompany your child to sporting events. Whether or not your child is playing, go together. Use it as quality time to explore something that both of you might have in common.
- Share, but don't force activities on your child. Let your child explore to find unique interests and enjoyable activities, then share them together.
- Don't expect perfection. Let your child be a child, and not perfect all of the time.
- Don't take your frustrations out on your child. Find some way to leave work at the office, and allow yourself to be a devoted parent when you get home.
- Encourage your child to be open and honest.
- Visit your child's school from time to time.
-Most importantly, learn how to have fun with your children.Laugh with them, never at them. Find fun things to share with your children. Let them be kids, for as long as they can. Growing up is difficult enough. Don't force adult responsibilities on them too soon. And allow yourself to let down every now and then, to show children that being grown up is not all hard work, frustrations and problems. Choose very carefully what family issues you should share with your kids. They should be made aware of critical family concerns, but only in a way appropriate for age and experience. Don't let them take on the adult roles of responsibility, worry and concern before their time.
In all things, allow your child to grow, to become an independent human being. Teach them well and let them know they can always come to you, no matter what the situation or problem. Cultivate a lifelong road of open and honest communication and your work as a parent will be more worthwhile and possibly easier to manage.
Finally, Trust in your own instincts as a parent, and apply or modify these and any other suggestions to suit your own style and your own family situation.
Working outside the home and inside the home with a family is a rewarding experience. But it takes lots of preparation and planning. With that and with your luck, your parenting experience, and your children's childhood experiences, can be a rewarding and full of wonderful memories to cherish for a lifetime.
