For many busy couples, intimacy is unfortunately an issue that gets pushed aside. Really, nobody's checking up on it (we hope), and you don't normally have a deadline on it or any of the other checks and balances that are involved in many other sectors of your lives.
Still, intimacy is an integral part of a relationship, so where do you go from here, especially when you're overtaxed and exhausted?
Schedule it! This is too important to let it get away! Take out that datebook and in whatever codes or symbols work out for you, get it in there. No, this isn't a crutch for the weak. This is a tool for busy people that care about their relationships.
Let's say that it isn't that you aren't around at night, but that you or your partner are just too exhausted by then to deal with the effort of being close, rather than catching a few more oh-so-necessary moments of sleep. Legitimate, but still a problem. Pinpoint the issues and take care of them.
Too tired and overloaded? Work out a nap. Maybe while your partner so graciously makes dinner, you take a break. How about you bathing the children, if that's your situation, while your sweetheart goes for a snooze. Other options may include shuffling your day so you actually have some time together on your lunch break(s), a morning together… creativity is key.
Do you remember, once upon a time, when you and your beloved had endless time and energy for romance, meaningful conversations and getting to know one another? You had time to have fun together and physical and emotional intimacy were nearly effortless.
Chances are that your once-upon-a-time was pre-career advances and pre-financial obligations. It was also, very likely, pre-commitment. To decode that, let me put it clearly – when your partner wasn't such a "sure thing", you made the effort.
You can reclaim that dreamy bliss by simply going back, in your own mindset, to the time when you would make that effort, come what may. Every once in a while, pretend that you have no obligations to each other and that you actually need to work at this. Do you need some extra encouragement? Well, you don't want to grow apart, do you? Not to mention that encounters like this promise great reward. So it's time to take this step…
Plan it out:
- · A creative way of asking him/her out
- · A nice venue
- · Don't allow distracting topics (home issues) to interrupt your encounter.
- · Make sure you leave yourselves enough time to enjoy...
You owe it to yourselves to plan this well and carry it off with style!
To Greater Intimacy,
Rachel Moheban, LCSW
