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Running the Gauntlet By: Lisa Levy Ok, so you are divorced. No matter what circumstance got you to this point, you are here (ex marks the spot?). It is time to deal with what comes next. What’s that you ask?! How do I do that?! I wish I could tell you exactly what that entails, but I can’t. What I can say is that fifty per cent of the population has come through it. Not necessarily unscathed, but through it nonetheless. It may take the prerequisite soul-searching and possible experimentation with your drug of choice (sex, alcohol, anti-depressants), but you’ll make it, I promise. Something you must realize from the start is that your life, as you knew it before and during marriage, will never be exactly the same as it was. Even if your finances, address, and dress-size have managed to remain stable, your judgment and the lens through which you view life have altered forever. You are now endowed with a wisdom you could not have otherwise gained. Congratulations! The trick is to take control over that power that has been granted you and use it in the best way possible---for yourself. Not for the kids, relatives, in-laws, dog or other interested parties. YOU need to remain a priority. I’m sure that at some time in your previous life you were a priority. Dig down deep. Find that person. Like riding a bike, you will remember once you experience that feeling again. One of the first things that dawned on me when I began to emerge from my cocoon of self-pity was just how many of “me” there were. As I previously stated, no one’s circumstance is exactly the same as another’s, but as humans there is a fundamental thread that links us. Let’s deal, once and for all, with the “F’ word. I am talking about FAILURE, F-A-I-L-U-R-E. Yes, you have failed. Now that I’ve said it once, I will not be using that word again. Done. There is little patience in the universe for the woe-is-me divorcees. No money? Go out and earn some. This is the 21st century. If you were a homemaker during your marriage and want to remain so, find a way to make money from home. There are ample opportunities. It requires creativity, imagination, a comfortable chair, a large cup of coffee and a computer. If you were once employed outside of the home, brush up on your skills and get out there. With wisdom comes experience and you have some life experience that the fresh-faced, twenty-two-year-olds just out of college, do not have. Lastly, learn how to be a team player. I know what you are thinking. Team player? I have just learned how to be independent again! Well. That may be true, but you do want to be marketable. To be involved in most facets of the community and work force, you must still know how to compromise. This includes, but is not limited to work, dating, negotiating the express line at the supermarket, and if you have children, being a referee. I remember the first time someone told me to compromise after my divorce. I understood Linda Blair’s character in The Exorcist and could have sworn my head would spin around 360 degrees. I am happy to say it didn’t and that after eight years I am once again able to ~gulp~ compromise.
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