I work a lot with people who are nervous of speaking to groups. Actually, I work a lot with people who are terrified of speaking to groups. One of the tricks I have most found useful was taught to me by an English hypnotherapist called Caroline O'Connell. The way to make this work is to record it and play it back to yourself or have someone read it to you.
A word about the ‘punctuation'. As this is designed to be spoken, not read, I have used commas to indicate the length of a pause. When you reach a comma or commas, simply count them slowly to yourself - ‘one and two and ..'. This will give you the correct length of pause.
Do not worry that I am trying to hypnotise you! I am not - though you may hypnotise yourself! I promise you will experience no ill effects from this exercise - just a growing sense of self-confidence.
WARNING!! Even though hypnotism is not involved - don't play your recording while you are driving or operating machinery.You need to have your full attention on the exercise!
Here is the exercise. Read out loud, slowly and clearly:
This is a visualisation and relaxation exercise. I say visualisation because I'm going to ask you to use your imagination. For some people this means they see pictures; they visualise. For others, it doesn't. So don't worry if you don't see pictures. It's whatever works for you.
Now take a moment to settle,, and check that you are comfortable. You may find you want to close your eyes, or you may not. It doesn't matter. Just relax and feel comfortable. And as you begin to relax you may become aware of your breathing. Notice how you don't have to think about breathing. Your breath knows what to do all on its own,, it just happens. And as it happens automatically, it relaxes you automatically. And as you breathe in imagine that you are breathing in calm and peace. Feel yourself becoming more relaxed with each inward breath. And as you breathe out feel that you are breathing out any anxiety and fears.
As you breathe in imagine that you are breathing in calm and peace. And as you breathe out feel that you are breathing out any anxiety and fears.
As you become more aware of your breathing,, you may also notice other sounds around you, like the sound of my voice. Just ignore any sounds that aren't important,, simply let these unimportant sounds help relax you more deeply.
And as you relax more notice how the top of your head feels. And as you notice how the top of your head feels, allow it to relax. Allow any tension there just to leave your body.
Let tension flow down from the top of your head,, let any tension slide over your eyes and cheeks,, down past your jaw,, and on down your neck and through your shoulders. As your shoulders relax,, let any tension flow down your arms,, and out through the tips of your fingers.
Let any tension in your body flow down through your legs., and out through your feet. Just allow every nerve and every muscle to relax more and more completely.
And now I wonder if you can imagine an occasion when you were very, very confident. Perhaps you remember a time when you were totally in control,, or you can create a situation in your imagination where you are completely relaxed and confident. Notice how that feels.
And as you continue to visualise these feelings of confidence,, allow yourself to also feel the pleasure this brings. The pleasure of being confident,, the powerful feelings of ease and confidence.
You may also be aware of other things. You may be picturing the scene. If so notice the details. Are you indoors,, or out in the open? Are there other people there too? Are there other sounds? Can you smell cooking,, or perfume? Are you holding anything? If so notice the texture,, the weight. Let yourself be aware of everything,, and especially aware of how it feels to be very, very confident and relaxed. Enjoy those feelings. Enjoy being completely in control. Enjoy being confident and relaxed. Allow yourself to feel confident,, enjoy your feelings of being very, very confident,, enjoy your feelings of happiness and relaxation.
Imagine now that you are at the top of a set of steps. There are just ten of them and you are going to walk down them as I count from one to ten. Each step you take brings you deeper relaxation and greater and greater feelings of confidence.
One, begin walking down,, two,, three,,, more relaxed, more confident,, four,, five,,, very relaxed, very confident,, six,,seven,, you are now totally relaxed,, eight,, nine,, supremely confident,, ten,,,,, savour the feelings of being totally relaxed and supremely confident.
Now as you continue to enjoy those feelings,, what I'd like is for you to be able to reproduce those feelings of confidence and relaxation instantly anytime you feel you need them.. You can do this by simply pinching the piece of skin between your right thumb and forefinger with your left hand. Do that now. That will link the sensations you are now feeling to the action you have just taken. Later, pinching the skin between your right thumb and forefinger with your left hand will allow you instantly to recall these feelings of confidence and relaxation. And you will be able to do this anytime in the future when you need to feel confident and relaxed. Simply pinching the skin between your right thumb and forefinger with your left hand will bring back powerful feelings of confidence and relaxation. And the more often you do this the stronger will be the feelings. Every time you pinch the skin between your right thumb and forefinger the feelings of confidence and relaxation will be stronger and more effective.
You may want to stay with those feelings of you being very, very confident and completely relaxed for a few moments longer.
Now, whenever you find yourself in a situation where you want to be confident,, simply pinch the skin between your right thumb and forefinger and let this picture, these feelings come back to you.
And the more often you do it, the more confident,, the more relaxed you will feel. Just as you do now.
And now, as I count backwards from ten to one I want you to come back up the steps. Ten,,nine,,eight,,, still feeling confident and relaxed,, seven,, six,, five,, still fully confident, completely relaxed,,, four,, three,,, two,, one. You are back at the top of the steps and now, in your own time just let your eyes open still feeling confident and relaxed.
That is the end of the exercise. Now you need to make it an automatic response. The act of pinching is what the NLP guys call a trigger - it triggers the intense feelings we have been working with. So for the next 21 days I want you to practice recalling the sensations of confidence and relaxedness that you have just been experiencing by using your trigger. Practice at least twice a day. Practice somewhere quiet, where you will not be disturbed. Pinch the skin as before and allow the pictures and the feelings of confidence and relaxation to flood back. You will find that the more you practice the faster you will achieve the state of confidence. And now it becomes a simple matter of ‘pulling the trigger' whenever you need to feel more confident and relaxed - for example, just before you get up to speak!
Have fun!
