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Divorce between two people who still love each other can be very painful, not only for the married couple, but for all of their friends and family, as well. Divorce will turn your emotional lives upside down: not to mention the financial costs involved when you consider lawyers, settlements, moving, etc.
On the other hand, sometimes the problems in a marriage are so great that divorce may be the only viable option. For those situations, divorce truly is the best choice for all involved, despite the pain it will cause.
If you or your spouse is considering a divorce and yet you feel there still may be hope in saving your marriage, try asking yourself these 5 questions before you make a decision.
1. Do you still love your spouse? This is perhaps the most important starting point in terms of asking yourself a series of honest questions about your relationship. If you believe that the answer is that you do not really love your spouse any more, you should probably get on the phone with your divorce lawyer right away: there is no point in moving forward if your love for that person has completely died, or if you do not respect them anymore in some fundamental way.
2. Is there anything you need to get off your chest? Are you harboring any information about things you have done or things you need to tell your spouse? Have you betrayed the trust of your relationship in some way that must be brought up with your spouse in order for things to heal? If so, seriously consider sharing these things with your spouse before you proceed. While their reaction could make things harder at first, there may be some things that need to be brought out into the open before you can move on and heal the relationship.
3. Are there any problems that absolutely cannot be overcome while married? Has anything happened between the two of you that provide an absolute barrier to your staying together? Is there an addiction - such as gambling or alcoholism - that needs to be overcome before you can move on in your relationship? Do your best to truthfully scan your mind and heart for any issue or past event whose existence or memory makes your relationship unworkable.
4. Do you have any conditions for staying together? If you or your spouse has had an affair, has a gambling problem, or has done something unethical or illegal that you do not respect, look inside your heart and ask yourself: what absolutely needs to happen before I am willing to commit to this relationship again?
5. Have you given your relationship everything you have? Maybe you and your spouse have been fighting for the survival of your marriage for months or years without a lot of progress. Maybe it has been 3 steps forward, 4 steps back. Whatever the situation, look inside your heart and ask yourself whether you have truly given it your all. Do you have anything left to give?
The prospect of a divorce is a scary thing and nobody wants to have to go through it. Answering these questions honestly for yourself is a first step toward deciding whether you are ready to give things at least one more solid try or to call it quits.
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