Shy or quiet?

While social anxiety and isolation are painful for those who suffer from it, it is important to make a distinction between shyness, and simply having a quiet disposition—especially in children and teenagers. Because mislabeling someone as "shy", especially in the beginning of their lives could have very serious and troubling consequences. It tends to become s self-fulfilling prophecy. Someone who is labeled "quiet" is usually not affected, nor offended, by the label.

Being quiet, as opposed to being shy, does not create anxiety or stress. A shy person thrown into a social situation will develop an anxious, distressed, reaction; whereas a quiet person might not perceive him/herself as socially inadequate. Also, a quiet person when speaking in public will not suffer from socially anxiety. However, overcoming shyness is essential if you are after effective public speaking skills.

If you would like to determine if you or someone close to you, is shy or simply quiet. You need to analyze the situations where you, or your loved one, experience social withdrawal and shyness. Also, note what are the alternative behaviors adopted. If, for instance, in cocktail parties or a social gatherings, you tend to always take a step back because you feel out of place-- do not assume that it is because you are painfully shy; your feelings may actually be valid. If you socialize with a group whom you do not share much in common with, and you are an introvert by nature, it may be very difficult for you to strike up a conversation or maintain casual social interaction in awkward situations. Also, some people  seem to be shy on the outside, while hey actually are more of the observer type. They always prefer to sit back, observe, and analyze what goes on around them. Many people do this in order to gain valuable social information and perspective. Look at how a spy, or a private eye, behaves for instance. They usually speak a lot less than the rest of the group—but they come out at the end with more benefit!

A quiet disposition is something that might not seem very glamorous, but it has many advantages. Quiet people are usually good listeners and not intrusively self-centered.

Finally, if you, or someone you love, is painfully shy –not just quiet. It is imperative that it does not become the main focus of your life. Even if your goal is overcoming your shyness and social anxiety, you stand to benefit from the advantages of being quiet. Use the opportunity to listen better and get to know people more; you will be surprised what you can find out about someone when you truly listen to them. Also, try to enjoy the company of others, as surely they enjoy how they can shine in your company without any interruptions from you. With these qualities, you can become many people's confidant—a role quiet people in general excel at.