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Children nowadays are under a lot of societal pressures. A shy or socially anxious child has no place on the playground. Children, as young as kindergarten, are expected to be super achievers in school, sports, be popular and also have many friends. These ideals are becoming increasingly difficult to achieve in part due to popular media, and the demand for perfections it places on kids. In a child's world, shyness translates to geekiness and awkwardness. Many parents take their child's social anxiety quite personally. They are afraid that shyness maybe a consequence to their authoritative parenting practices, or excessive discipline, for example. While it is true that excessive demands of perfection might make a child less assertive, there has been no convincing evidence to back up that theory. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Many researchers, for instance prominent researcher Jerome Kagan, established evidence that shyness may indeed be genetic! Whether this ends the nature versus nurture debate in the etiology of social anxiety or not is not the issue. The fact is: parents do need to nurture their children's budding concept of self, and help them develop healthy self-appreciation and self-esteem; but it is not known if these measures guarantee that the child will grow up to be an outgoing extrovert. If you are a parent concerned about your child's apparent shyness or social anxiety, it is important to support the child without looking overly concerned; more worry on the child's part will be counterproductive. The child needs to feel that you are concerned about their happiness and not that they become popular or seek social perfection. Also, let them know that you love them for who they are, not for what you want them to be. Children in general are very sensitive. Shy children tend to be even more sensitive. Shy children can peek up on the parent's unconscious need for perfection. Unfortunately, when that is the case, these kids suffer even more social anxiety. They may even become more shy and withdrawn. Let your kids know that you are willing to help them overcome shyness and social anxiety if that is what THEY want for themselves. After all, your main goal as parents is to ensure your children's happiness. But it is important that you realize that some characters maybe innate, and may not entirely amenable to change and alteration. This is not to say that social anxiety is to be embraced. Offering help to overcome social anxiety is important; just remember to listen to your child's needs and take their cues. If your help is solicited, then by all means interfere. Otherwise, don't let the world revolve around your child's shyness or lack of social skills. When they are ready to change, they will approach you with open hearts.
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