Stepping out of History: to my mind this encapsulates beautifully the concept of learning how to move away from a past where we weren't empowered, we couldn't put our boundaries down, we experienced abuse, we couldn't make sensible and healthy decisions. A past where all our relationships were either blighted or somehow not enough; where we couldn't take care of ourselves financially, or prosper in ways we longed to. A past where our potential was not being realized. Oprah Winfrey has used stepping out of history a lot in this context. When your history – how you've lived your life so far – has not brought you fulfillment, then it is time to step out of it. Oh yes!
We all feel the desire to reach greater heights, to become more of who we are, it goes with the territory of being human. We're born to change, and our dreams and desires for more are the forerunners of that change. It has been said that they are the shadow of the reality that is still to come, and that it is impossible to have a dream or desire and not have the capacity to make it a reality. In the same way that the shadow of a tree cannot exist without the tree. I believe it's true. The capacity to dream – which includes having faith – is one of the most powerful human attributes, and it is one which most of us admire in others. We recognize it as being responsible for building great nations, creating great works of art, and for great movements founded to resist tyranny.
It's that same capacity that makes us search for a better way, a better life, that makes us long to be happier. To step out of history. To try and do life differently, so our yearning can be fulfilled.
But how do you do it? How do you get your life to change? Well, you can hope to win the lottery, or be noticed by some makeover show who will change your body (temporarily, though) or build you a new house. That will provide an amazingly satisfying experience perhaps, and your world will look different, it will seem as if your dreams have come true. And maybe they have, but the test will come in your ability to sustain the dreams for yourself. I always think those "rescue shows" with their mini psyche workover are very exciting, but they don't at all take notice of how you came to be where you're at – or of some of the more subtle impacts the makeover is having.
They just swoop in and change your world for you, do a little bit of psychology, paying lip-service to it – and then they disappear. No back-up and support. No check-ups to see what happens, if what they've done for you has really brought you happiness. And those rescues – they don't make you feel proud of yourself; they make you feel grateful, and very aware of what you haven't been able to do. In a way they can be very disempowering.
I've got nothing against big help and big surprises and the pleasure of the experience, and I know what it is to long for material things or material relief. I once longed for an MG sports car. I drove an Uno. A wise man asked me if I'd want the MG if I couldn't keep it. At the time I thought he was crazy – of course I'd want it! But I realize now that it wouldn't have done me any good. Because I'd have lost it. What he was really saying to me was "there's a reason why you don't have the MG now. Not because you don't deserve it, but because you don't know you deserve it". If he'd told me that at the time, I'd have thought he had his head in the clouds, but now I understand.
If you don't know your worth, you let people pay you badly, you let them take advantage of you personally and in business; you let them betray you; you pay for their mistakes. The way you operate in the material world is based on what you believe your worth is. At the time, bankruptcy was ahead of me – but not by much. And when it happened, I came to understand what it was about. Why I hadn't been able to get the MG, and why I wouldn't have been able to keep one even if somebody had given me one.
Stepping out of history is about learning how to know that you do deserve – I believe that's what's at the core of effective and sustainable change; real change, that is lasting and brings great reward both to the heart and soul – and materially. Nobody can make it happen for us, we have to do it ourselves.
And we have to do it by reaching out to others. When another person shows me that they care, that's how I learn that I deserve to be loved.
