In spite of all the talk about amicable divorces, they in reality are few and far between. Let's face it there's nothing friendly about sharing your life with someone for a period of time only to decide to call it quits. Only a small number of people show up in divorce court with a smile on their face after investing themselves physically emotionally and spiritually in a relationship.
It only gets worst when it comes to deciding who gets what. Many a divorce has seen all out war with the prize being who gets the kids, the house or both. Or it can be something lesser (not from their perspective of course) like who gets the goldfish bowl or the recliner with the two cigarette burns and coffee stains.
That's the nature of intimate relationships but there is one aspect like few others that can not only keep the battle raging long after the judge has made their decision but open up a totally new front which makes the initial conflict look tame by comparison. Alimony payments.
Basically, alimony is post divorce payments from one spouse earning a higher income to another. If the spouse making less money is also awarded child custody then they may and should receive some kind of regular stipend for the child's upbringing.
Sounds reasonable on paper. So why exactly has this been a bone of contention?
1. Changing Times
In the old days it was a given that men were the family breadwinners. Women were shut out of many employment opportunities that would have granted them a chance to make money that was at least comparable to what men made. While that battle is still raging in many places the fact is women have made great progress in the work world; in some instances doing much better financially than their soon to be ex husbands. Still perception has been slow to catch up with reality. All too often it still falls on the man to make the financial payments.
2. The Pay Scale
As mentioned this is still an area that requires a lot more effort; equal pay for equal work. However for modern couples the two income household has been the rule rather than the exception for quite a long time. The cost of living has made this a necessity for most people, so if both spouses are working and one person is making slightly more than the other; than there is a lingering question as to why either of them would be asking for alimony payments.
3. One Is Enough
Times are tough but many an ex spouse feels if they do the right thing and make sure the children are taking care of than why should they have to dole out money to an able bodied adult?
This is a biggie. If the ex has no physical problems then whether they decide to go out and get a job is entirely up to them. For many payer spouses it's the equivalent of supporting them to sit home and do nothing. That festers a lot of hostility.
4. More
The payee decides the current alimony is not enough and revisits the whole issue again on a regular forceful basis with threats of taking their ex back to court. If an ex spouse was not happy about paying alimony in the first place, then you can multiply that feeling by one thousand and then add a few more zeroes. To them it's flat out greed and gaming the system so that they wind up in the poor house. When divorces take a nasty turn that is exactly what the other person has in mind.
Things happen in life and divorce is one of them. But if you are going to have to deal with your ex in the future, than try to work out a settlement that is win-win for both parties. The goal is to be completely independent of your former significant other. It's only right that if you have been awarded child custody that you get all the support you can but if you don't need the alimony than don't ask for it.
